I got together with coworkers last night for a going away party. There is a mass exodus and 4 of my coworkers will be leaving around the same time as me. I had an awesome time at the restaurant and bars afterward but I think I will wait until I have pictures to post about it. I brought my cam but it’s battery immediately died.

Friday night I went to Cobra Lounge. I was hoping it would be another Exit. Sadly, it is not but it is stil cool in it’s own way. Cobra has food, a big area to sit down and will sometime in the future have live music. The music can only be desribed as “rock”. A group next to us was singing along to “Black Betty”, I was bouncing to Jim Carroll and recounting my story of “This one time, I saw The Cult and I was too young and stupid to know who they were.”

Since Cobra was no Exit, we left and went to Exit. Kind of quiet but the much missed Ricardo was there. Ricardo is a middle aged Mexican man who appears to get off work as a waiter or bus boy, judging by his black pants and white dress shirt, and dance his broken English speaking heart out at goth/industrial clubs. He looks like he is praising some sort of god while he dances and will give you a big sweaty hug if he recognizes you. He never dances with anyone else but he does have followers that imitate his style of dance and sometimes his style of dress. Ricardo is awesome.

Dancing is also fun and I need to do it more often. It’s a lot more fun than the gym. In my quest for losing the fatness, I was directed to The Hacker’s Diet. Now if I were a true hacker, my diet would be Mountain Dew, cigarettes and vending machine food. But that’s not what Hacker Diet is about. It is about treating weight loss as an easy equation, “eat less food than your body burns”

I can totally do that. I think. We’ll see!

Homosexual agenda revealed!

My last day of my current job is quickly approaching. The anxiety about the new job hasn’t quite set in yet. I still feel fine making jokes about being an soul-less office monkey drone. It’s my way of dealing with things. I’m still wondering what I’m going to do with the time in between jobs. I was supposed to be using this time to visit my boy, but that’s not going to happen.

I was even nice and extended my last day by one day so I could work for a coworker. I actually only gave 12 days notice, not 14, so I’m not technically doing anything supernice, just what I’m supposed to do.

I don’t want to spend a lot of money, since I won’t be getting paid for a week and all, but I would like to do something fun. I don’t like travelling by myself so I probably won’t go anywhere far. I was thinking more along the lines of waterpark. I haven’t been to one in years and I could use a horrible sunburn. Or maybe the wineries in Michigan? What I would really love to do is get a tattoo by an artist in St. Louis, Trevor Collis. I like his work, especially his fractal designs but haven’t decided on a backpiece quite yet. Oh wait, and I’m not supposed to be spending a lot of money..ya.

I would also like to dye my hair pink for a few days. One of those stupid temporary dyes. I miss fun colored hair so much.

Look at me, talking about tattoos and pink hair. I’m ready for corporate America!

You think I’m going to let a stupid air conditioner that requires wooden window frames beat me?

Hell no! I <3 duct tape.

Marshall Fields is in the process of converting into Macy’s so they’re having big sales, for those that want to buy a $100 shirt. It used to be $500 so I guess that an awesome deal but to me, it’s just a fucking ugly $100 shirt.

I set off today in search of new job clothes. I decided I want to open a store called Office Monkey. It will only sell button down shirts, dress pants and skirts and nice closed toe flats. It doesn’t matter what season it is, you work in a climate controlled cube! My store would fill in the gap between “juniors” section filled with show me your thong, suction cup to my thighs pants and “misses” section filled with halfway up my belly shapeless pants.
Just find me something I won’t look fat and sassy in.

I ended up buying stuff from H&M even though their first floor is horrific. It looks like a bad resale shop. Really bad. They’re selling shirts with ruffles and string bow ties around the neck. They remind me of McDonalds uniforms from my childhood.

I was so frustrated and tired at the end of the day from all my walking and staring at clothes I hate that I didn’t even notice some crazy guy following me for a bit. I guess his family was kidnapped by invisible people because the government ohmygodItalksofastwhatthefuckcheese did something bad. He had a really long sign explaining it all. If I see him again, maybe I will make him a tinfoil fat.

I’m getting around to fixing a few things on the site. I discovered the “read more” button and made the Krispy Kreme page into a post rather than it’s own page. I lost the comments on the page due to the move but the general gist of the comments were that you were lame if you could not handle the raisins.

I also updated my About Me page and I know some pics are different sizes but that is the way it will have to be. Some pics were small to start with, some have to be large so you can read text.

I’m still trying to change the title color so it’s readable but I’m having no luck so far. I’m not terribly concerned about this since the title and URL are the same. Maybe I will care when I think of something witty.

All this arguing with HTML has been a good disctraction for me tonight. I’m having some blood tests done in the morning and I have to fast for 12 hours beforehand. It makes me happy I broke down and got a room AC. Not drinking any water tonight would be murder if it were hot in here. Currently, it is just mildly annoying.

I had my personal training session at the gym and it was pretty useful. The trainer made me go in the meathead section and I felt terribly lame because I was just lifting the bar, no weights. My chest muscles on my left side are terribly weak due to my robot heart. When I lift weights using a bar, my right side just compensates for it. So I have to use a machine or dumb bells so I can independently lift each side. I am still kind of scared of the extra meaty section. It even looks menacing with it’s black floor and black machines. I’ll stick to the weird grandmas in the pool for now.

Dear nice guy with the dog,

You came in to have something minor fixed on your dog. You were totally cool with me and the doctor when we told you to drop off your dog for a couple hours. We were busy and you could see that. Why did your whore of a wife call us a half hour later yelling about dropping the dog off? I have never seen your wife but I am sure she is a whore, I can tell from her screech and self absorbed attitude. It’s a social work skill. When you returned to pick up your dog, you mentioned nothing of your whore wife’s complaints.  Maybe she didn’t hang up on me, maybe you beat her in the head with the phone. Why are you married to this wench that doesn’t understand taking turns, waiting in line or simple medicine? I bet her father is scary. I kind of feel sorry for you.

Signed,

The girl that took care of your dog all day

After a long day at work (thankfully no dead animals today) I decided to go swimming at the gym. I was dying to try on my new full coverage sport suit. It’s the kind of swimsuit my mom would approve. I worked out on the awful elliptical machine for a while and went upstairs to watch the swimmers without seeming creepy. I wanted to walk in and act like I swim all the time. I know the pool etiquette. I didn’t just almost walk into the mop closet. I’m cool. No one would know I haven’t actually swam laps in years!

Oh, except for when I stop mid lap, panting, and have to walk the rest of my lap. Swimming is hard! My poor little robot heart was ready to jump out of my chest.

I don’t know how long I stayed in the pool, I didn’t have my watch on me. I debated trying out the steam room but I saw a sign reading “No shaving in the steam room or sauna” and decided I did not need to sit around half naked with these people.

The whole locker room thing still bothers me. I never had to shower in gym in high school because we didn’t actually sweat. I don’t think our showers even worked. So I never got used to that whole changing in the open thing. Especially when some grandma is sitting next to me very slowly getting changed. I dried off twice with my swimsuit on and still she is fiddling with her shoes. What’s up old grandma, do you want to see my ass? Why does this old woman want to see my ass! Luckily, she left right before I took my suit off so I didn’t have to deal with the potential awkwardness of an ass fetish senior citizen.

I have to work from open to close tomorrow. I’m going to cry. 11 days left!

I accepted the job from BigCo. SmallCo never called me back. I start at the end of the month, working 9-5 in an office downtown. I also scheduled my first personal training session at the gym. Did I ever think this would be me?

No.

I’m pretty sure it’s the right direction. I’ve wanted some sort of stability in my life for a long time.

I was hoping I could visit my boy between leaving my current job and starting my new one but that doesn’t appear to be doable. His schedule doesn’t work with when I’m available. I’ve been penciled in for August but I’m not terribly hopeful. I’m slighly jealous that a 60 year old man could make him break his schedule and I can’t. OK, that old man is Tom Waits but come on, I’m way hotter.

BigCo offered me the job and met my minimum salary requirements. I told them I would call tomorrow with an answer. Last night I sent a thank you email to SmallCo in hopes of a response but got none. BigCo does have the advantage of LCSW supervisors which means I can get my LCSW if I stick around for 2 years.

I was discussing job options with a few people and it was suggested that I call SmallCo and tell them about the job offer to see if they would jump. Unfortunately, no one answered when I called. I left a voicemail but got no response. I will call BigCo tomorrow afternoon and give them my yes. It was also suggested that I ask for more money, which I have never done but I guess it couldn’t hurt to ask?

I turned in my letter of resignation at work and damn did it feel good. My supervisor saw me with an envelope in hand and smile on my face and knew before I said anything what I wanted to tell her. And damn, today was a day that made me want to quit.

*Caution Grossness*

It was busy all day and at end the day, I got to play with dead animals.

I have a huge phobia of touching stiffs. I can bag dead animals when they’re freshly dead no problem, but when they get rigid, I freak out. It started when I was working at a vet clinic in high school and had to bag the dead animals.I had frequent nightmares and sleep walking back then. One night I was sitting in my bed mumbling that I couldn’t sleep because of the dead dogs. I thought my pillow was a bagged dead dog.

So I’m still afraid of stiffs but my supervisor decided that it was my job to go through the freezer and write down the names of the animals awaiting cremation. Probably because I just resigned. The place we used for cremation burned down (Irony!) and we haven’t found a replacement company yet so there would be a delay in getting ashes back to clients. The freezer is one of those big top opening freezers and it was filled all the way up with a 90 lb dog on top. Fun! I successfully removed the bags and wrote down names but when it came time to replace everyone, they just wouldn’t fit. They fit together like a frozen puzzle that I could not solve. So it was time for Dead Dog Tetris!

*cue music*

It took me and 4 other people to solve the game and we did a poor job. We absolutely could not get all the bags in and it was a huge pain in the ass to move the 90 lb dog. My arms still hurt. We ended up taking out a few small things and moving them to a small medicine freezer. Then we adjusted and adjusted some more until everyone almost fit. Almost.

We ended up putting heavy things on the freezer to make it stay shut and placed an emergency call to the field supervisor to let her know we needed a place to pick up the dead animals NOW. If another animal died, we would be so screwed.

So now I’m nauseated and sure I will have nightmares tonight. And I’m so glad to have found another job because I will never get bit, touch a corpse or be covered in bodily fluids again!