The nice thing about journaling is that I can always look back and there are terribly detailed descriptions of my emotions on a weekly basis. I looked back for posts that I wrote around/about New Years Eve. I’m sure if I go through paper journals I can go back even farther.

January 2003

I graduated undergrad in 02 and found my first real job. I had my first taste of something close to being a real person. I talk about getting my MSW and then moving back to Chicago. Which I did. I have some pretty shallow goals related to appearance and weight. I also really want to learn how to woo women. My most important goal: learn to jerk off like a man.

January 2004

2nd year at the real job, in grad school. Hating the suburbs, wanting to move back to Chicago. Feeling like I’m not really helping anyone by counseling semi-normal kids in the suburbs.  Wishing grad school was more challenging. Bitter. No goals.

January 2005

Winter 04 sucked. A lot. I’m a fucking mess. There is a new boy that makes me feel all fluttery inside and I’m so smitten with him that I can’t even write about it.  I’m depressed, refer to my life as soul crushing but I’m in love.

January 2006

My favorite! I’ll just copy and paste it:

I don’t need a new calendar to remind me to make an effort to stop fucking up.

I’ve been so busy, I haven’t had time to write a snotty holiday entry.

So a little late, this was my holiday week:

-retail hell (both shopping and working)

-ugly Xmas sweater contest

-having some guy buy my ugly Xmas sweater off me at a bar.  I made $17!

-packages arriving late

-hiding from a high school boyfriend

- killing Jews Oh wait thats not until spring.

-talking strip clubs with my cousin and brothers at Xmas dinner

-Santa on a boat?

-lots of taco dip

-even more alcohol. flavored martinis and mimosas in particular

-Fluffybadbad!

-getting punched by a 7 year old in boxing gloves and a tutu(i’ll have to put up a pic of this)

-drag kings singing ICP Xmas songs

-not wanting to go back to work :(

And today was shopping for a New Years Eve dress. I want something fancy and not what I would usually wear. Sequins, ruffles, feathers, I’m down for whatever the stores can throw at me. I got cranky after wandering State street so I will have to continue my search tomorrow at some nice resale shops.

I started using NuvaRing again for birth control. I used it years ago and it was nice to me so I thought I would try it again instead of risking forgetting pills.

I’m interested in skipping my period or as some sites call it “menstrual suppression” (I don’t like the way that sounds). So I ask the ever reliable Internet to instruct me on how to do this. With NuvaRing I’m supposed to leave the ring in for 3 weeks, take it out, have my period, put a new one in a week later. So if I skip that week, I’m wondering if I do 4 weeks with one ring or only 3 weeks. If 4 works, I would rather do that since it won’t screw with how many rings I’m using/prescribed.

This seems to be much easier with birth control pills where women can just skip the obviously marked week of placebo pills.

I found a few blogs and message boards that address the topic and most say 4 weeks is OK. But I’m overwhelmed by the stupidity that goes along with birth control use. One board was all about if you’re supposed to take out the ring for sex. You’re not supposed to take it out at all for 3 weeks. On top of hygiene issues, if it’s out for more than 3 hours, you’re no longer protected. This is basic info that comes in the box with the ring. Ironically, these women that are too stupid to use birth control are the ones that end up becoming accidental parents. No wonder kids are so fucked up. How can mommy raise you, she can’t even count weeks on a calendar.

The obvious answer seems to be “ask your doctor” but the FDA has not approved NuvaRing for continuous use so doctors don’t usually give out that kind of info. And if they do, they probably looked it up on Google, too.

This week hasn’t been much better. I’m starting to understand the new computer program and maybe even my job. The new computer program does not seem to like it’s users and crashes every chance it gets. As a result I’ve been snapping on coworkers more often. Don’t involve me in your cc: circle jerk. And I know with the new program it’s a pain to look at previous counselor’s notes but do it anyway so I don’t have to fix your mistakes when you tell the client something wrong. And, supervisors, if you’re going to send out a million emails a day with updates instead of one a night like you said you would, don’t expect me to remember every damn email.

I registered for my LSW exam finally. I have a test date in February. Work sucking was enough motivation to get me to register. Now I need motivation to study.

Instead of studying, I’ve been going on shopping trips. I bought the new Jay-Z for a child on my workplace’s giving tree. Everyone vetoed Three 6 Mafia for a 14 year old girl. No ho slappin allowed. I got a ton of shirts on Threadless.com. All the kids in my family will be getting clever shirts for Xmas this year. And my roommate suggested making hot buttered rum so we went to the store to get many types of sugar, ice cream, butter and dark (not spiced) rum.

You mix all of the sugary goodness together into a batter and then add it to hot water and rum

..is how my week has gone.

First, the stupid car. Got the windshield replaced and it cost about what I expected.  I admit it was my fault for not having it repaired long ago. The mechanic says my check engine light is on because I need a new catalytic converter. Why? “you don’t drive your car enough.” Maybe it’s because of the large militant bicycle riding population of my neighborhood but I thought not driving a lot was good. Hmm, guess not. Somehow not driving a lot leads to the early death of my exhaust system. I have to wait a week until the mechanic gets the parts in and he said my car was OK to drive but it smells so bad like exhaust. I can barely breathe at stop lights. The lady at the Taco Bell drive thru closed the little window on my car because it smelled so bad!

Poor smelly car. You will be fixed soon.

And work. Fuck you, new computer system. You work so much less efficiently than the old computer system. I don’t care if it was on an antiquated platform, it fucking worked. Now my calls last longer and not because I’m doing more talking, it’s because I’m staring at the screen, waiting for it to move. It’s like going from T-1 to dial-up. And fuck you supervisors, for deciding I should learn a new part of my job the same week we start using the new computer program. I know you want me to be trained in time for the busy January where everyone is crying about their horrible holidays and families but this is terribly poor planning.

Everyone at work is bitter and stressed. And when your supervisors are stressed and flipping out,  they aren’t much help. At least I can vent with my coworkers over drinks.

I really need to get some motivation so I can get out of this terrible mood, suck it up and work some extra hours so I have holiday money, take the goddamn LSW exam and get the hell out of this job before I become a bitter cube dweller.

I saw experienced some metal last night. I was lured into the suburbs to see some local metal bands. It wasn’t any of this nu-metal whiny shit. This was I can’t undertstand a word this guy is saying, spiked armbands metal. I feel so hardcore now.

My car is not as hardcore, it barely survived the night. First, I noticed the tiny little crack in my windshield had spread the width of my windshield. I expected that to eventually happen. Then on the way home from metal, the check engine light came on. Damn you car, you’re doing this because I almost have you paid off. So car is spending some time in the suburbs so it can get some new glass and fixing. I rarely use my car during the week but now I’m worried that I will need it for some reason.

Another hardcore thing- My landlord. My furnace has been making a huge Boom noise when it turns on. It’s been doing it more lately so I figured I should find the landlord because exploding furnace is a bad way to die. A little Fight Club-esque but but still not cool. So I find landlord shoveling the walk and tell him. He comes upstairs and hits the furnace with a wrench a few times and it starts to work! All the pilot lights weren’t working, some were dusty. Why is he hardcore? 1. Because he had a large wrench in his pocket for no reason. 2. Because he can hit things and make them work.

Oh how I hate that term. Why can’t weather.com just say “it’s like slush falling from the sky!”

The well timed snow and start of December have got me thinking about December songs. A coworker told me I’m not allowed to sing on of the December songs because it was his favorite but fuck him, seasonal affective disorder belongs to everyone.

The first few that come to my mind:

Long December-Counting Crows (this is the one I was told I can’t have so I’m listing it first)

My December-Linkin Park- Kind of embarassed to list this band but I do like the song.
December-Collective Soul

December-Weezer

Bring it on, winter months! I’m ready to hide indoors with my Itunes.