I saw my defective heart doctor today and it was a good visit because I actually got to talk to him. Maybe he talked more because I was the first appointment of the day or because he didn’t have his trusty resident sidekick with him.
I asked him about the herbs my acupuncturist wants me to try in addition to acupuncture. He gave me a straight No on some like licorice because it raises blood pressure. He told me if I really wanted to, I could Google the unidentifiable ones to see what is actually in them. He is concerned some contain ephedrine which is bad for my condition. We talked about the importance of knowing what I’m putting in my body and not screwing with the nice meds I’m taking now.
Then he asked me how I felt about my quality of life and I told him how my ICD just creates more anxiety in me rather than making me feel like I have a safety net. I talked about anxiety over hearing that it picks up these tiny little incidents and I spend the day trying to think if I did anything different the day my heart was beating worse than usual or if I worked out too hard. I don’t want to be oblivious to my heart problem but I also don’t need a constant reminder.
And I finally told him I want to get sterilized. No babies for me. His first question was “Are you married?” No but I will pretend if it gets me this surgery dammit. He said my heart probably could not handle pregnancy but I should talk with a high risk obstetrician about it. I said again, no I do NOT want babies. I don’t want to know about the risks associated with trying to have babies.
I will go talk to my gynecologist and see if she has anything better to say and if she does not maybe I will get a referral to a high risk OB/GYN just because they would be more likely to have worked with someone in my situation.
If I wanted to have kids there would be a team of doctors swarming to help me through the pregnancy but since I don’t want kids, I have to fight to get a doctor to listen to me. I know society values breeding and all that but doesn’t it value someone trying to protect their own life? I know that sounds dramatic because I would be the type to get an abortion if I did get accidentally knocked up instead of risking my life with a pregnancy. I’m just frustrated with asking this question and getting resistance. I’m in my prime baby making years. If I don’t want kids now, I’m not going to want kids 5 years from now. And if I meet a wonderful person that wants kids out of me, we probably have different goals in life and should not be together long term. I’ve given this a lot of thought and want a doctor to take my questions seriously instead of encouraging me to wait until I have a man in my life. What is the presence of an SO going to do? Is he going to be making my decisions for me? I need a doctor that can look at me and not see marriage and kids.