The more work I have, the less I do. I brought summaries of the grants I’m interested in applying for to the executives and they said yes to three! How do I go from zero to three? Could it have something to do with state budget cuts and the agency having no money?
One grant is only research, the 2nd is resurrecting an old program and the 3rd is mostly a program and I might throw some evaluation components in to give myself a part in it. Normally I wouldn’t get involved in a program grant but this one is big so I want to be part of it and see if I can get a raise out of it.
Even with my slacking, I’m still doing more work than I was last month. A lot of what I’m doing is independent work so it’s easier for me to get things done. I’ve stopped going to the 4 hour meetings. Now my boss just pulls me in for parts I’m involved in. I’m having more one-on-one meetings. And my boss finally laid the smack down on a pain in the ass director so I no longer have to chase him. It’s not that he’s suddenly doing his work. It’s just that I no longer have to follow up 10 times to remind him to do stuff. Let him sink.

I have 3 clients again at the GLBT center. The 3rd client is the easiest to work with so far. I identify with her in some ways which is something I will eventually discuss with my clinical supervisor. Last week we talked about one of my clients that is “internet famous” in her subculture and asked me to read her blog. I took her blog address without saying yes or no and I admit, I looked at it. I told on myself, knowing my supervisor would tell me I shouldn’t look at the client’s blog. My information should come from sessions, directly from the client, not through the information she shares with her internet community. The next session I told her I wouldn’t be reading her blog and she seemed OK with it. She has a lot going on in her past and I think she wanted to be able to say “just read this and understand me” but telling me all of those details in session is important to The Process. I’m slacking with clients, too. I haven’t done progress notes in forever and haven’t started my monthly report.

What have I been doing with my time? Not quite sure.
I went to the Chinese Democracy listening party, got a new GnR tshirt and the CD in the mail. The CD is growing on me, I really like Better. And the shirt is a total boy magnet.
I made Mac n Cheese Pancakes twice and they’re so simple and good. The 2nd time I made bacon, prosciutto wrapped cantaloupe and mimosas to go with them.
I’m making meatloaf cupcakes for the family tomorrow. My mom is jealous of hearing about my adventures in weird food and not tasting any of it. My mom called me today and told me a list of the liquors and wines she has at home and didn’t even mention food. I called her back and asked if we were just drinking this year and told her I fully supported that idea.

I saw Smashing Pumpkins last night at the Chicago Theatre. Their first of 4 Chicago shows. The first time they’ve been back to Chicago in 7 or 8 years. 8 rows up and center, staring at Billy as he came out in a golden headress and shiny gold dress.
I know everyone says it’s not really Smashing Pumpkins without D’Arcy and James but their replacements are pretty good. Billy even went as far as to get a blond female bassist and a dark haired male guitarist. Good continuity. They also added musicians for the tour. They had horns, keyboard, accordion and a mystery electric string instrument. Fancy electric violin?
The show was 2.5 hours total. 2 hours of the show was good. The 20 minute long Pink Floyd cover was a good time to go to the bathroom. The 10 minutes of Billy’s ego rambling at the end was just confusing.
Sometimes this week I get a recording of the show so I can continue my swooning.

Have you ever looked at YouTube comments? I’m on SomethingAwful and I still think YouTube comments are horrible. My favorite interactions are like this one:
AmbiguousUsername: Zach Braff is dreamy!
TotalDude95858: fag!!!!!!!!!
AmbiguousUsername: What?? I’m a girl!

No girls allowed on the internet.

I downloaded Tucker Max’s book because someone was talking about it. I didn’t realize it was just stories from his site that I read (and he wrote) 7 years ago. I still think the guy is a tool. I went to his site because it linked to the special ed teacher’s blog which I could identify with (on a professional level, of course). I’ve tried to write about my clients but most client based entries are venting or sharing some horror show story in attempts to purge it from my mind. No one wants to read a book about crackheads.
Recently, I was working a career fair and I got placed right next to the Disney college internship program. When I was in college, it was widely known that Disney takes anyone, gives them summer jobs making fries and calls it an internship. These suburban kids must not have got the message because they were swarming Disney all day long. One of them even said to me, as he was waiting in line and blocking my table, “Can’t compete with Disney!” Do you think they’re going to hand you a pen (or computer) and say “Make the next Bambi, kid”? No one wanted to get down with the crazy people.

So I need another stupid book to read. I’ve been reading a lot of Buddhism books lately so I need to throw in some candy type books, too. Last one was The Game. Before that, something about zombies. Sometimes I do chick lit but I’ve had enough whiny bitches in real life to read anymore of that right now.

I haven’t rode my bike much since Halloween and I still hurt. Specifically, my tailbone hurts and I’m pretty sure I badly angered or bruised it. I sat on a hard chair for a while on Saturday and it’s been killing me since. I almost told my boss today but there’s no good way to say “by the way boss, my ass is killing me!” I asked the internet and it said that doctors don’t do a lot for broken coccyx. Pain meds and baths and a few days of rest. Pain meds would be nice but I like things like driving and not wasting vacation time better. So I suck it up, do some stretches my roommate showed me and whimper when I stand.

Clinical stuff-my sessions with my clients were pretty good and I think I’ve engaged them enough that they won’t bail. I start a new client next week so I will be back up to 3.

Parts and stuff- I saw my girly doctor today and insurance rules have changed since last year. I can get my tubes tied at the hospital’s outpatient clinic which makes me much more confident in the whole not dying thing. I might be able to schedule in a few weeks. I’ve even told my mom about it since I’m doubting my ability to walk up flights of stairs to my apartment after surgery. Staying at home to recover will make my mom feel nice and…motherly.
My dad suggested my mom email me instead of call because I don’t like the phone. Her first email was all in caps and a big run on sentence. I emailed her about the tube tying and she called me to respond. Almost got it.

I went out with the ladies tonight. It was nice, not too mommy focused, a lot of discussion about the election and politics. There was one other non-mommy there, making it split between moms/non-moms even for some of the night. I think the trick is just to not be the only non-mom. Don’t go to the playroom. Go to bars.

Also, I want to live in a warehouse with a rooftop garden and bands play in my basement and I make spray paint and gravel mandalas in my barren front yard.

I was supposed to go to a party at a friend’s house but last minute decided that I needed to go downtown to be PART OF HISTORY or I would regret it forever. So I lured a friend out and off we went!
As soon as we got close to Grant Park, we were part of a flood of people. Things were surprisingly organized. There were signs directing ticket holders and non-ticket holders to different sides of Grant Park. An automated voice told people where to go and what was allowed in. I did not get tickets, I replied to the email invite too late.
We got in quickly and wandered toward one of the big screens showing CNN coverage. There were 4 screens showing CNN so people didn’t have to all crowd in one area. All night the crowd cheered and booed at predictions, took pictures of kids with flags, chatted about how lucky we were to have good weather and waited in hopeful anticipation. It was a really good vibe and a really friendly crowd. It was mostly younger but I saw lots of different types. A few older people in wheelchairs, some kids and babies, frat boys, activists, people talking about the hood, people talking about the opinions voiced on CNN. A lot of people talking about the hologram interviews on CNN. Fucking Will.i.am in hologram form!
All night CNN made predictions as polls closed. Finally it was down to the last few West coast states. They rolled out the graphics for predictions and I expected it to go state by state but instead Obama’s name flashed across the screen with a big yellow check mark next to it. And the crowd goes wild! Screaming, cheering, flag waving, kissing, crying. I admit I cried a little as I stared at Obama’s name. I don’t have a lot of faith in this country, I don’t consider myself patriotic. I would never pick up a flag to wave. This election brought out a lot of political interest that didn’t have 4 years ago. This country is in a fucking mess right now. Obama has to live up to his claims of change because we have no other choice. The road we are taking is obviously not working. I kind of feel bad for the mess he is coming into but I feel hopeful that he can start to clean it up.

Shortly after the CNN announcement, McCain made his speech. They had reported earlier that McCain’s people turned off news coverage at his rally earlier in the night. I think McCain gave a good speech. I think it was even better that Palin didn’t speak at all.
When it was close to Obama’s speech time, the TV’s switched from CNN to the stage at the other end of Grant Park. A woman sung the anthem, then some canned music. Signed, Sealed and Delivered, some country song, Sweet Home Chicago, one more song I can’t remember. Too many songs. Too many shots of Oprah. I loved one shot of an older couple. The guy points to the camera to point out to his wife that they were on camera. She pushes his hand down, still smiling and looking toward the stage and not the camera.
Obama comes on with his family. Talks to his girls, kisses his wife, you can see him say I love you to her. He thanks his campaign staff, Biden, his family, promises his girls a puppy. He lists types of people and includes gay and straight. People cheer. He starts with the “yes we can” and I get a little teary again. He ends, music comes on and Biden and families come to the stage. Lots of hugs and smiles.
The walk back is amazing. It’s near midnight and the streets are filled. Lots of cheering, signs, high fives, sleeping children, vendors, police calmly watching the crowd. Further down there are some scary looking Federal police with rifle looking weapons and riot helmets strapped to their side. They were all just watching. The crowd was happy, wasn’t acting up or even pushing toward the CTA. I didn’t leave downtown right away but I heard the CTA did a good job of managing the crowds.

I tried to take pics but it’s hard to take pictures at night with either a big flash or tripod. Here are a few anyway!

I was planning on making these for a pot luck months ago but got sick the day of the party. The little meaty guys have been stuck in my head so when my friend had another potluck, I busted out the cupcake tins.
I used this recipe with slight variations due to laziness. The recipe is for regular size cupcakes, not mini. I made minis because it was a pot luck and I wanted everyone to get to try one!

Step 1. Mix everything in a big bowl. The directions say with your hands but I was reluctant to touch the meats. This is not one of my prettier batters.

Step 2. Grease and fill the cupcake cups with meats. The meat shrinks so it is good to fill the cups to the top and pack it in so the cups don’t detach from the meat.

Step 2b. While you are doing all of this, boil some potatoes. I boiled the hell out of mine so I wouldn’t have to work hard to get the lumps out. You want the mashed potatoes to be nice and smooth so they look like icing.

Step 3. While meat is cooking, make your mashed potatoes. I decided to use a few drops of blue food coloring to make it looking more icing like.

Step 4. When the meats are done, ice those bitches! I slopped on a lot of icing but it still looked cute. I chopped shredded cheese into small bits to look like sprinkles.

Keep them warm, mashed potatoes don’t taste great when cold. Unless you’re serving them to kids. The kids at the party shoved the cold cupcakes into their mouths like rabid beasts.

I’m not a big fan of meatloaf but these tasted pretty good. My mom is asking me to make them for Thanksgiving!

There’s a bunch of you I have been bugging to try acupuncture, so here is your chance!
Acufest at Red Flower!
From 3-8pm you can come in (make an appointment) and get a free acupuncture session. I’ve talked about acupuncture a few times on my blog and I think all of the times I was talking about this studio. There’s parking available and it’s close to Damen so you can take the bus, too.

Muppets all month at the Gene Siskel Film Center!

I think I am going to see the Muppet History documentary and Labyrinth.

Maybe I should dress like an insect every day.
I went to the work dressed as a “worker bee.” Black dress, striped tights, yellow wing (that light up!) and antenna. My coworkers loved it. I just wish some of them dressed up too. It was just me and a few clients dressed up.
Went home, got some cheap bike head light/tail lights at KMart. Take that Target and Sports Authority who had sets for twice as much!
Then I switched from my dress to some black shorts and long sleeve shirt and bloodied myself and my bee costume up. Zom-bee! Sticky coagulated blood for my face and drippy blood for the bee costume. And a little bit of blood for the floor, the sink, my shirt, my hands…um, everything.

Then I dragged my new (to me) bike out of the basement, decided to take side streets because I’ve never rode on a city street before and zoom! I was off. Slowly. So slowly. Oh god, why does this take so much effort to get not far? Why can’t I coast? I was sweating and half dead by the time I got to the roommate’s boy’s house. Roommate looked at my bike and pointed out that I was in the wrong gear. I thought
1=easy. Guess not. Also the guy that sold me the bike called it a hybrid but roommate thinks it looks more like a mountain bike.
I wanted to flop on the couch and sleep but it was time for My First Critical Mass! So we rode downtown in all of our zombie, bloody, whitefaced awesomeness. I really struggled with the hills. Yes, Chicago has hills. Small ones but my thighs really felt them when I was barely able to keep up on flat surfaces.
We got to Daley Plaza and it was filled with costumed riders of every sort and a few parents and kids trick or treating. I gave candy to kids, took a few pics and drank a lot of water. Then remembered I didn’t have a chance to eat dinner, maybe that was why I was feeling weak? No, I’m just out of shape.

So we rode through downtown very slowly which I didn’t mind at all since I was exhausted. We waved at people and the traffic cops made sure no one tried to run us over. We get out of downtown and it seems like a parade. The entire street is ours and people are coming out of their houses and businesses to wave and cheer at us. Ya, some people came out of their cars to swear at us but being toward the back of the mass, I expected to see a lot more anger. I read today that mass was estimated 2,000 people.
Then things got very slow and weird. We were close to the highway, on some small road near a bunch of warehouses. There was an ambulance that needed to cut through so we got separated from the rest of the mass. It was so slow that I got off my bike and walked it for a bit because it was impossible to ride that slow with so many people around. After all the slow down, we went back on big streets. I’m not sure why that route was chosen but when riding from Milwaukee & Halsted to Milwaukee & Ashland, why not just take…Milwaukee! Instead of whatever fucked up little streets we were going down. By the time we got to Wicker Park, we were separated from the rest of the group by a noticable amount. Streets were no longer being corked, more cops were seen arresting people than riding with us. I was exhausted and my roommate and her boy were disappointed that the mass got split up so we stopped to get food.
I heard from another friend that did the mass. He was near the very front and didn’t have as many problems. So it wasn’t that we were recklessly heading into trouble, trouble just found us somewhere along the way. With a group that large, I can understand it.
I was so sore that I took the bus home. My ass, knee and elbow still hurt. I’m going to try to ride the roommate’s bike to see if hers is better because I’m still not sure if I was so exhausted because I haven’t rode in forever or if it’s my bike’s fault. I would like to blame my bike because it’s easier getting a new bike than getting sexy new legs. I’m hoping the weather stays nice for a little while longer so I can get some riding in before winter. I know it’s crazy to expect the weather to be nice at the end of November but if by some crazy chance it is, maybe I will do the Nov Mass.