I was supposed to go to a party at a friend’s house but last minute decided that I needed to go downtown to be PART OF HISTORY or I would regret it forever. So I lured a friend out and off we went!
As soon as we got close to Grant Park, we were part of a flood of people. Things were surprisingly organized. There were signs directing ticket holders and non-ticket holders to different sides of Grant Park. An automated voice told people where to go and what was allowed in. I did not get tickets, I replied to the email invite too late.
We got in quickly and wandered toward one of the big screens showing CNN coverage. There were 4 screens showing CNN so people didn’t have to all crowd in one area. All night the crowd cheered and booed at predictions, took pictures of kids with flags, chatted about how lucky we were to have good weather and waited in hopeful anticipation. It was a really good vibe and a really friendly crowd. It was mostly younger but I saw lots of different types. A few older people in wheelchairs, some kids and babies, frat boys, activists, people talking about the hood, people talking about the opinions voiced on CNN. A lot of people talking about the hologram interviews on CNN. Fucking Will.i.am in hologram form!
All night CNN made predictions as polls closed. Finally it was down to the last few West coast states. They rolled out the graphics for predictions and I expected it to go state by state but instead Obama’s name flashed across the screen with a big yellow check mark next to it. And the crowd goes wild! Screaming, cheering, flag waving, kissing, crying. I admit I cried a little as I stared at Obama’s name. I don’t have a lot of faith in this country, I don’t consider myself patriotic. I would never pick up a flag to wave. This election brought out a lot of political interest that didn’t have 4 years ago. This country is in a fucking mess right now. Obama has to live up to his claims of change because we have no other choice. The road we are taking is obviously not working. I kind of feel bad for the mess he is coming into but I feel hopeful that he can start to clean it up.

Shortly after the CNN announcement, McCain made his speech. They had reported earlier that McCain’s people turned off news coverage at his rally earlier in the night. I think McCain gave a good speech. I think it was even better that Palin didn’t speak at all.
When it was close to Obama’s speech time, the TV’s switched from CNN to the stage at the other end of Grant Park. A woman sung the anthem, then some canned music. Signed, Sealed and Delivered, some country song, Sweet Home Chicago, one more song I can’t remember. Too many songs. Too many shots of Oprah. I loved one shot of an older couple. The guy points to the camera to point out to his wife that they were on camera. She pushes his hand down, still smiling and looking toward the stage and not the camera.
Obama comes on with his family. Talks to his girls, kisses his wife, you can see him say I love you to her. He thanks his campaign staff, Biden, his family, promises his girls a puppy. He lists types of people and includes gay and straight. People cheer. He starts with the “yes we can” and I get a little teary again. He ends, music comes on and Biden and families come to the stage. Lots of hugs and smiles.
The walk back is amazing. It’s near midnight and the streets are filled. Lots of cheering, signs, high fives, sleeping children, vendors, police calmly watching the crowd. Further down there are some scary looking Federal police with rifle looking weapons and riot helmets strapped to their side. They were all just watching. The crowd was happy, wasn’t acting up or even pushing toward the CTA. I didn’t leave downtown right away but I heard the CTA did a good job of managing the crowds.

I tried to take pics but it’s hard to take pictures at night with either a big flash or tripod. Here are a few anyway!

Maybe I should dress like an insect every day.
I went to the work dressed as a “worker bee.” Black dress, striped tights, yellow wing (that light up!) and antenna. My coworkers loved it. I just wish some of them dressed up too. It was just me and a few clients dressed up.
Went home, got some cheap bike head light/tail lights at KMart. Take that Target and Sports Authority who had sets for twice as much!
Then I switched from my dress to some black shorts and long sleeve shirt and bloodied myself and my bee costume up. Zom-bee! Sticky coagulated blood for my face and drippy blood for the bee costume. And a little bit of blood for the floor, the sink, my shirt, my hands…um, everything.

Then I dragged my new (to me) bike out of the basement, decided to take side streets because I’ve never rode on a city street before and zoom! I was off. Slowly. So slowly. Oh god, why does this take so much effort to get not far? Why can’t I coast? I was sweating and half dead by the time I got to the roommate’s boy’s house. Roommate looked at my bike and pointed out that I was in the wrong gear. I thought
1=easy. Guess not. Also the guy that sold me the bike called it a hybrid but roommate thinks it looks more like a mountain bike.
I wanted to flop on the couch and sleep but it was time for My First Critical Mass! So we rode downtown in all of our zombie, bloody, whitefaced awesomeness. I really struggled with the hills. Yes, Chicago has hills. Small ones but my thighs really felt them when I was barely able to keep up on flat surfaces.
We got to Daley Plaza and it was filled with costumed riders of every sort and a few parents and kids trick or treating. I gave candy to kids, took a few pics and drank a lot of water. Then remembered I didn’t have a chance to eat dinner, maybe that was why I was feeling weak? No, I’m just out of shape.

So we rode through downtown very slowly which I didn’t mind at all since I was exhausted. We waved at people and the traffic cops made sure no one tried to run us over. We get out of downtown and it seems like a parade. The entire street is ours and people are coming out of their houses and businesses to wave and cheer at us. Ya, some people came out of their cars to swear at us but being toward the back of the mass, I expected to see a lot more anger. I read today that mass was estimated 2,000 people.
Then things got very slow and weird. We were close to the highway, on some small road near a bunch of warehouses. There was an ambulance that needed to cut through so we got separated from the rest of the mass. It was so slow that I got off my bike and walked it for a bit because it was impossible to ride that slow with so many people around. After all the slow down, we went back on big streets. I’m not sure why that route was chosen but when riding from Milwaukee & Halsted to Milwaukee & Ashland, why not just take…Milwaukee! Instead of whatever fucked up little streets we were going down. By the time we got to Wicker Park, we were separated from the rest of the group by a noticable amount. Streets were no longer being corked, more cops were seen arresting people than riding with us. I was exhausted and my roommate and her boy were disappointed that the mass got split up so we stopped to get food.
I heard from another friend that did the mass. He was near the very front and didn’t have as many problems. So it wasn’t that we were recklessly heading into trouble, trouble just found us somewhere along the way. With a group that large, I can understand it.
I was so sore that I took the bus home. My ass, knee and elbow still hurt. I’m going to try to ride the roommate’s bike to see if hers is better because I’m still not sure if I was so exhausted because I haven’t rode in forever or if it’s my bike’s fault. I would like to blame my bike because it’s easier getting a new bike than getting sexy new legs. I’m hoping the weather stays nice for a little while longer so I can get some riding in before winter. I know it’s crazy to expect the weather to be nice at the end of November but if by some crazy chance it is, maybe I will do the Nov Mass.

I early voted this week! The line was huge, the whole process took at least an hour and a half. A few people saw the line and left but many more just pouted and got in line. People in line were excited! An old lady behind me was talking to the person next to her about how we are making history.

I came back and had an email about the Obama election night party. I didn’t click on it right away and I should have. By the time I got to it, tickets were gone and the waitlist was up. Already tickets are up on Craigslist, some people are asking $100-200/ticket.

I got a bicycle! Its a purple 15 speed hybrid. It’s a 16″ which I at first thought would be too small but it ended up feeling a lot better than the other bikes I’ve tried. The tires are bigger too which probably helps. When I get more stable on this one I can always trade in. The used bike shop I went to had some supercool old Schwinns that they had restored. I would like to rock the vintage banana seat. I stopped by Target afterward to look for a U Lock and they just had the stupid cable locks that are easy to break. So I went to Home Depot and got some really thick metal chain. I had a padlock at home so tada, $7 bike lock.

I kind of (emotionally) pushed my client today in session. She is having relationship problems and doesn’t want to talk to her partner because she is afraid of making her partner upset and angry. So I tried to get her to brainstorm things to say, find emotion words, use I statements, all that good fighting stuff. She was struggling with it and finally just said she wanted to talk about another subject. So I gave her homework, next session she has to bring in her I statements and emotion words. She seemed to like this idea a lot better and maybe writing the list will push her to have the talk with her partner before next session. But if that happens, I need to think of something else for us to talk about. Dammit!

“My Christmas was great! How was yours? That’s good!”

Repeat X Infinity

That’s been my week at work so far but Christmas really wasn’t bad. I saw the relatives I like and just happened to miss the relatives I don’t like. I got a chance to see my rapidly changing teenage nephew. He has a Myspace profile now so he must be all growed up! I played Rock Band with my cousins and nephew and it was confirmed that I’m terribly uncoordinated. Too uncoordinated to play fake video game drums.

My big brother found Jesus this year so he told me all about Jesus showing him the way and Satan trying to lead him astray and I gave him logical explanations for all his Jesus/Satan arguments. But like a good Christian, he didn’t listen to what I was saying and just kept jabbering about god.

I saw the movie Juno a couple weeks ago but I don’t think I wrote about it. It’s great, go see it. Don’t tell me you don’t like indie movies. Go see it, snob. It’s like Knocked Up but good. It fully addresses the option of abortion and doesn’t pull a shmashmortion like Knocked Up.
I think I just don’t like Judd Apatow. Knocked Up, 40 Year Old Virgin, Superbad-didn’t really like any of them. And it’s not because I don’t like stupid comedies. I still watch Billy Madison way more than I should.
I’m looking forward to There Will Be Blood mostly because I’ve never seen critics circle jerk around a movie like this. Magnolia made me want to die a little but I liked Boogie Nights and Punch Drunk Love.

I’m going to be applying for a small research grant soon as I figure out what to do for my project. My agency is pretty awesome in that it treats many populations in multiple settings but it doesn’t help me narrow down what I want to study. I lean toward substance abuse treatment because it’s pretty straightforward but I personally have an interest in HIV prevention. The one population my workplace does not target is GLBT so maybe I should get some queer research going!

I’ve been thinking lately about exploring my own semi-professional interests. I’ve always wanted to write a book having to do with sex/gender/feminism but have trouble coming up with a topic that I feel is new or at least not beaten to death. I’ve been doing some research on tubal ligation because a medical professional claimed it was “almost obsolete” due to new IUDs and I wanted to see if her claims are valid (not really).

The two things that IUDs and tubal ligation have in common is that they’re a pain in the ass for young, single, childless women to get. Some doctors say you have to have a child or an IUD is impossible to insert. Studies claim women who get their tubes tied in their 20’s are more likely to change their mind but Essure, a new permanent method of female sterilization, is growing in popularity. (Same concept as tubal ligation but non-reversible.) And from my own experience, doctors are reluctant to sterilize single, childless women. So I think I have my topic.
Another thing that is motivating me to explore this topic is the number of religious, natural family planning and marital books that come up when I search “birth control” on Amazon.

It may be too early in the day for the other gossiping bloggers but I want to know what happened!

I went to the Printer’s Ball last night. They had secured a much better location than the Double Door for this year’s ball. It was at a nice roomy gallery in Bridgeport. I got there a little late so I didn’t get one of the tote bags I saw everyone stuffing their free goods into. I did get lots of free publications and saw the Blue Ribbon Glee Club, an adorable bunch of hipsters singing songs like Pixies’ “Where Is My Mind” glee club style.
I noticed a ton of cops wandering about during the glee club’s performance. I went downstairs and someone who I assume was an organizer was announcing that the police were shutting the party down. But mom, it’s only 10:30!
In true “damn the man” style, few people left or paid attention to his announcement. The cops near the door were herding people out but the cops inside were just telling people to go and not being terribly forceful. So I went into the next room and watched some guy in his underwear pretend to operate a pretend machine and checked out the cafe before leaving.

I think it was the most mild mannered party ever to be shut down by the Chicago police. They had to bust up a glee club! I’m sure the boys back at the station will be impressed by that one.

I saw my defective heart doctor today and it was a good visit because I actually got to talk to him. Maybe he talked more because I was the first appointment of the day or because he didn’t have his trusty resident sidekick with him.

I asked him about the herbs my acupuncturist wants me to try in addition to acupuncture. He gave me a straight No on some like licorice because it raises blood pressure. He told me if I really wanted to, I could Google the unidentifiable ones to see what is actually in them. He is concerned some contain ephedrine which is bad for my condition. We talked about the importance of knowing what I’m putting in my body and not screwing with the nice meds I’m taking now.

Then he asked me how I felt about my quality of life and I told him how my ICD just creates more anxiety in me rather than making me feel like I have a safety net. I talked about anxiety over hearing that it picks up these tiny little incidents and I spend the day trying to think if I did anything different the day my heart was beating worse than usual or if I worked out too hard. I don’t want to be oblivious to my heart problem but I also don’t need a constant reminder.
And I finally told him I want to get sterilized. No babies for me. His first question was “Are you married?” No but I will pretend if it gets me this surgery dammit. He said my heart probably could not handle pregnancy but I should talk with a high risk obstetrician about it. I said again, no I do NOT want babies. I don’t want to know about the risks associated with trying to have babies.

I will go talk to my gynecologist and see if she has anything better to say and if she does not maybe I will get a referral to a high risk OB/GYN just because they would be more likely to have worked with someone in my situation.

If I wanted to have kids there would be a team of doctors swarming to help me through the pregnancy but since I don’t want kids, I have to fight to get a doctor to listen to me. I know society values breeding and all that but doesn’t it value someone trying to protect their own life? I know that sounds dramatic because I would be the type to get an abortion if I did get accidentally knocked up instead of risking my life with a pregnancy. I’m just frustrated with asking this question and getting resistance. I’m in my prime baby making years. If I don’t want kids now, I’m not going to want kids 5 years from now. And if I meet a wonderful person that wants kids out of me, we probably have different goals in life and should not be together long term. I’ve given this a lot of thought and want a doctor to take my questions seriously instead of encouraging me to wait until I have a man in my life. What is the presence of an SO going to do? Is he going to be making my decisions for me? I need a doctor that can look at me and not see marriage and kids.

I started using NuvaRing again for birth control. I used it years ago and it was nice to me so I thought I would try it again instead of risking forgetting pills.

I’m interested in skipping my period or as some sites call it “menstrual suppression” (I don’t like the way that sounds). So I ask the ever reliable Internet to instruct me on how to do this. With NuvaRing I’m supposed to leave the ring in for 3 weeks, take it out, have my period, put a new one in a week later. So if I skip that week, I’m wondering if I do 4 weeks with one ring or only 3 weeks. If 4 works, I would rather do that since it won’t screw with how many rings I’m using/prescribed.

This seems to be much easier with birth control pills where women can just skip the obviously marked week of placebo pills.

I found a few blogs and message boards that address the topic and most say 4 weeks is OK. But I’m overwhelmed by the stupidity that goes along with birth control use. One board was all about if you’re supposed to take out the ring for sex. You’re not supposed to take it out at all for 3 weeks. On top of hygiene issues, if it’s out for more than 3 hours, you’re no longer protected. This is basic info that comes in the box with the ring. Ironically, these women that are too stupid to use birth control are the ones that end up becoming accidental parents. No wonder kids are so fucked up. How can mommy raise you, she can’t even count weeks on a calendar.

The obvious answer seems to be “ask your doctor” but the FDA has not approved NuvaRing for continuous use so doctors don’t usually give out that kind of info. And if they do, they probably looked it up on Google, too.

I recently came across Holla Back NYC, a blog about fighting back against street harassment. A lot of cities/states are linked on this blog, but NYC seems to be the oldest and most active. Women share their stories of harassment and post pics of the harasser if they got one with their camera phone.

Some stories tell of blatant harassment, cat calls, ass grabbing and other joys of wearing a skirt. Some stories were more of grey areas, subtle come ons, compliments, strangers starting a conversation. So what makes a woman scream “fuck you!” in response to a compliment? Why do some women snarl at conversation starters? “Crazy feminists” isn’t the answer. It’s bigger than that. It’s somewhere in the land of feeling generally unsafe and hypervigilant. Or feeling disrespected by some men and generalizing those feelings toward all men. Just got back from a bar and feel like every man that looks at you is hitting on you so you snap back at any attempt of communication from a man? Ya, some of it is contextual too.

Example: I will forever feel bad for passing up some random guy while saying sorry because I assumed he was asking me for change. As I walked past him he managed to finish his request for…directions. Oops.

I like this post where the woman actually tells the conversation starting stranger how she feels. It makes a lot more sense than screaming at a random guy. But growling “go away” or walking away is a lot easier than opening up and telling a stranger you feel vulnerable. And maybe not so safe if he really is a “predator”.
So like usual, I have no answers, only thoughts on why and what to do.

Just like every other non-Republican in Chicago, my heart is aflutter reading the rumors that Obama may run for President.

I first fell for Mr. Obama not for his politics but for his writing. One of my grad school professors suggested I read his book, Dreams from my Father.  The book tells his pre-Senate story from his childhood to activism in Chicago. He wrote about how hard it was to advocate for communities he did not belong to and he searched for the community, for the family he belonged to. Advocacy and community organization are big parts of social work and Mr. Obama was hitting both topics. And he wrote about smoking pot in his tiny Chicago apartment. Oh, you’re scandalous Mr. Obama!

Why else is he so popular? He’s hot. The bitches love him, he totally has that JFK thing going. He has some more hotness left in him so even if he doesn’t run this time, he should be good to the election after that.

But what do people really think? Well, if you visit CraigsList Rants N Raves, the underbelly of the internet, people think “OMG Blackie!” Damn you Mr. Obama, why do you only have to be half white? Your diversity is messing everything up!

It’s an interesting question, how bigoted is America? A better question is, who do we hate more? I’m imagining a bracket system like college basketball play offs. Who does American hate more? African Americans vs women. Go!

Wheel chair President vs blind President? (I know Franklin Roosevelt used a wheelchair, but never in public so he doesn’t count.)

Gay vs. Pagan?

Obese vs. diminutive?

The fun can go on forever! I don’t know who Americans hate more but I’m pretty sure an African American wheel chair bound lesbian would never be President. Which sucks because there might be a brilliant dyke on wheels out there just waiting to install ramps in the White House.

I saw Speak Out: I had an Abortion tonight. It was being screened at a local volunteer run, activist book store filled with pins, books, posters and tshirts urging you to boycott, protest and overthrow. I wonder how many pins and posters contradicted causes?

So in the cold back room of this bookstore, a local pro-choice group screened the film. It was a few group members, my friend and myself. i think that says a lot about the state of activism in Chicago. The movie feature 11 women telling their stories. Some women told what it was like to seek an abortion before it was legal. Some women told what it was like to have an abortion before or after they had children of their own. I think they found a good selection of women to demonstrate that there is not a certain type of woman that has an abortion.

I would have liked more depth or maybe just better editing. The women’s stories started to all sound the same. A story doesn’t have to be long to be meaningful and memorable. The Vagina Monologues demonstrated that. This movie kind of felt like a commercial for abortion.

I had to smile after the movie when the 18 year old in cowboy boots and a patched skirt turned off the TV and squeaked “does anyone need to talk about the movie?” I know, that was me when I was 18.

Now I’m old and seeking a different type of activism. Every day isn’t a Pride parade and I don’t need to wear a shirt that says “I had an abortion.” I need well written publications made with a color printer! I need activities that will reach large groups of voters! I need media that actually reaches people outside of the cause instead of just being mastabatory material passed around a circle jerk of fellow activists.