OkCupid has a new feature that allows you to propose edits to another user’s profile. The edits don’t actually show up until/if the other user approves them.

I so want to go back to profiles of guys that I dated or guys that incessantly messaged me and propose edits.

“Message me if you like guys that disappear without warning.”

“Likes: Claiming that I am not sure if I have messaged you before even though I have sent at least 6 messages to you within the last year.”

“Most private thing I am willing to admit here: I have nothing going for me other than a large cock.”

“Picture caption: This is the only clean shirt I own.”

Last day! I’m a shark! Suck my cock!

I finished up all my cases like a nice employee, my coworkers fed me chocolate twice and my supervisor did not even say goodbye to me. Employees usually send out goodbye emails to the department when they leave. Being a snotty bitch, I had to send out a sarcastic one. The trick is to send out something that isn’t so offensive that a supervisor will retract the email and send it out late enough that a supervisor won’t come by to talk to me about it. So 10 minutes before 5, I send out a goodbye letter template and don’t fill in the fields. So it says “dear (name), I leaving (company)…”

As soon as it comes out, I walk to a coworkers desk and I can here the cube dwellers talking about it. It went right over some of their heads but most people understood where I was going with it. We get about 1 goodbye email a week at this place, turnover is high and morale among the easily replaceable cogs is low.

Today my friend forwarded me an email that my former supervisor sent out in response to my email. She said that my email was open to interpretation but she wanted to her team to know that they were valued. Valued how I wonder? With the low pay or with the job that is marketed as clinical but isn’t?

After work I got drunk at Roscoe’s, convinced coworkers I would not abandon them just because I’m changing jobs and watched karaoke.

My new job contacted me, I won’t be starting until Wednesday now. More time to be laaazy! Tomorrow I get my hair chopped all super cute Victoria Beckham-like.

Today I went for my sleep study consult. Minor respiratory issues, not enough to say I have sleep apnea. And the neurologist made it sound like he couldn’t diagnose night terrors because no one has ever seen me have one. I didn’t have them as a kid, just was a sleep walker/talker. I don’t have them when I am sleeping with someone and my roommate has never heard me screaming. He pointed out since no one has heard me scream, I may not actually be screaming. I just think I am. So he gave me the vague “parasomnias” label, gave me a script and the psychologist at the clinic suggested counseling. Pretty much what I was expecting but as I’ve said before, it’s nice to be able to rule out medical problems.

It’s Saturday night, what do you want from me?

I loves Vitamin Water and I love having 50 Cent leave messages for my baby mama, girl, dog or baby daddy.
Yes, it’s just like having Samuel L. Jackson leave messages when Snakes on a Plane came out. Don’t care, still funny.
The passcode is YOUR DAILY DOSE.

While drunkenly watching He-Man on Cinco De Mayo, I realized that King Randor looks at a lot like The Burger King.

Maybe everyone else already realized this but I haven’t seen He-Man in years and I don’t do the drugs so I thought this coincidence was fucking amazing. I’m not even going to google it because the internet spoils everything.

Sometimes my site logs are amusing. People stumble upon my blog through a lot of the same queries. To address some of them:

I already answered the question about why my furnace was making boom noises. I know I write a ton of rambling entries but the search feature works pretty well. Now go hit your furnace with a wrench!

You need to study for the LSW exam. At least review the style of questions on the test and types of questions asked. Those ethics questions were tricky for me.

Study guides are expensive but think about how much you spent on textbooks you never used. Maybe if you used them more, you wouldn’t need to study as much! Slacker.

Find study guides used, share them with friends or ask professors for sample questions they have. I don’t know about the LCSW exam, I haven’t taken it yet.

That short haircut I posted is adorable and if I wish the stylist didn’t fuck up my hair so bad when he tried to imitate it. Don’t let bald men cut your hair.

Jeremy Piven is one sexy fucking Jew. We all know this.

I never got any good answers about using NuvaRing to skip periods. I’ve stopped taking it since then for other reasons. Maybe if I go back on it I will research further.

There is no dog sex or hot older women here. Glad you searched through 10 pages of Google hits to find that out. Seriously, who doesn’t know how to find porn on the internet? You must be searching from one of those countries that shows up as “unknown”. I hope you have a big brother or HBO.

This week hasn’t been much better. I’m starting to understand the new computer program and maybe even my job. The new computer program does not seem to like it’s users and crashes every chance it gets. As a result I’ve been snapping on coworkers more often. Don’t involve me in your cc: circle jerk. And I know with the new program it’s a pain to look at previous counselor’s notes but do it anyway so I don’t have to fix your mistakes when you tell the client something wrong. And, supervisors, if you’re going to send out a million emails a day with updates instead of one a night like you said you would, don’t expect me to remember every damn email.

I registered for my LSW exam finally. I have a test date in February. Work sucking was enough motivation to get me to register. Now I need motivation to study.

Instead of studying, I’ve been going on shopping trips. I bought the new Jay-Z for a child on my workplace’s giving tree. Everyone vetoed Three 6 Mafia for a 14 year old girl. No ho slappin allowed. I got a ton of shirts on Threadless.com. All the kids in my family will be getting clever shirts for Xmas this year. And my roommate suggested making hot buttered rum so we went to the store to get many types of sugar, ice cream, butter and dark (not spiced) rum.

You mix all of the sugary goodness together into a batter and then add it to hot water and rum

Friday I saw Little Miss Sunshine. I heard of the movie when it was released since it was whored all over Nerve.com. I really hate ads that block text and interstitial ads so I purposely didn’t click on any links to it while it was in my way of reading dirty sex essays.

Then my boy told me to go see it and he knows what type of movies I like. Actually he knows what type of movies I don’t like based on many nights of “Why are you making me watch this? Are you mad at me?” One night he was trying to get me to watch some political suspense movie or a Woody Allen movie, something I didn’t like. I requested a more fun, light movie so the next day he gets The Ringer. Johnny Knoxville pretending(?) to be retarded. I’m not making fun of him for trying to meet my request. It was very sweet. But yes, my boy thinks I’m special with a backwards S.

Anyway, the movie is great. The family is wonderfully broken and  I like when movies allow little kids to be something other than “cute”. Go see it!

Ya, I’m a dork and I saw Snakes on a Plane last night. And it was awesome!

The audience made it a lot more fun, screaming for snakes during boring parts, cheering for Samuel Jackson’s character.

The snakes made me cringe but it could’ve been much bloodier. I think it was on Samuel Jackson’s Daily Show appearance that he talked about conflict between 2 directors, one wanting a bloodfest and the other going for a PG-13 rating. The PG-13 director won, then last minute a bad sex scene was added that bumped it up to R rating. But still no fountains of blood like Kill Bill.

And I saw a friend from undergrad that I have not seen in years and years. That was very awesome.

I was driving home from my parents tonight and I notice flashing lights behind my car. I pull off the highway into one of those accident reporting site, swearing about what I did. I had no idea how fast I was going or how long those lights were flashing. Then I notice there is another car behind me. I was good and waited for the officer to go to the first car and then to mine.

“Are you OK?”

“Ya, I just didn’t know who you were pulling over.”

“Oh, him, not you. Be careful getting back on the highway.”

Ya, I’m dumb.