I had a no-baby shower last weekend. I think it was the best shower I’ve been to. Drinking, cheese filled foods, cupcakes, a fish hat and lots of friends and some family. I got some baby showed decs from the party store and tacked NO onto them but apparently it wasn’t clear enough what we were celebrating because the people at a table near us asked if I had a boy or girl. At least they were nice enough to assume I already had the baby if I was drinking. A little vodka in the breast milk is good for baby!
I registered as a not-the-mama-to-be and got some awesome gifts. My grandma took the opportunity to ship me half of her kitchen. I think she is afraid she will never see me or my female cousin get married and she doesn’t know what to do with all of these kitchen things.

Work has been fucking depressing. We have more budget troubles and we did not apply for either of the research grants I was working on. One of the grants would have been a revival of a project we worked on with a local university. For some reason, no one decided to ask the professors at the university if they were also applying until the day before the grant was due. Surprise, they were and they were upset that we didn’t tell them we were applying, too. Maybe if we had called earlier, we could have collaborated again and submitted the damn app.
So now the next round of applications aren’t due until early summer and I keep telling my boss “we have to start early” and she keeps..doing nothing. This is something she really has to start because it’s a collaborative grant and she has to initiate the collaboration because no one knows little research assistant girl!

I e-attended a NASW CEU presentation. I’m happy that they have developed this in person/online CEU workshop series. They’re not terribly expensive and they have a good range of topics. They still have some kinks to work out. The sound went out on the presentation for a while and the mic didn’t pick up questions the audience asked. The presentation was on holistic therapy which sounds good but it was a little too new age for me. Past life regression? Really? So much for evidence based practice! I was hoping for a little more accessible topics, not some woman selling her book.

Also, I am adoring Amanda Palmer’s post on her song Oasis. I think we need more upbeat songs about abortion. Let’s dance.

Happy new year all!
It’s hard to remember to post with all this holiday excess going on!
I did the whole Xmas thing with my family and it was surprisingly calm this year. My big brother kept his proselytizing to a minimum and I kept my shaking of children to once an hour. I sent out Xmas cards with a picture of Santa in meditation pose and the words “Dharma Dharma Dharma!” above him. Dharma is translated to ho in Japanese. Buddhist joke! I noticed that I didn’t get a card from my aunt and uncle in The South and I don’t think I got one from them last year either. I haven’t seen them in a while but I still talk to my cousin. I sent her a card and present and got a “Happy CHRISTmas!” text back from her. Oh, Jesus lovin family members. I feel more Buddhist the less I let you upset me.

For NYE, I went to Takashi with my boy and friends and then to Subt to see Holy Fuck with a bigger group of friends. Takashi is a Japanese fusion restaurant and it doesn’t focus as heavily on the raw fishes as other Japanese restaurants do. I think they were just as fancy as Blackbird (the restaurant I went to last NYE) but about half the price.
Subt was good because it wasn’t packed so there was room to stand in the back and drink without being smashed into by drunk hipsters. Afterward was late night food and immediate passing out. I’m getting old.

I went to the doctor for my tube tying follow-up. He said everything looks good and reminded me I can have unprotected sex before I left. How often does a doctor do that!
At work, we seem to be trudging along with a grant application that I don’t really think is feasible. Grants often require a match which means the agency has to put up a certain percentage of the amount they are requesting. This particular grant requires a large match amount and our agency just doesn’t have it. We can use in-kind matches, percentages of the salaries of staff that will work on the project but that won’t cover the full amount. It seems like we are going after the grant because we are desperate for new funding sources which ultimately wastes a lot of my time when I put grant writing/prep effort into a grant we aren’t going to get.
The exec team member I’m working with did bring up a good point. He said if we could just get one grant in, it might give us some momentum and the CEO would notice our efforts and maybe give us more time to work on future grants. Rights now there is no designated grant application time for the exec team. It’s just tacked on to everyone’s regular job. It’s a big part of my job but I have a few applications in process and other stupid stuff to do. I spent some of this week filing a big stack of papers and thinking about how it would make much more sense to hire a part time person to do the admin BS part of my job. I know, no money in the budget.

Next week starts boxing and next month starts burlesque lessons. I’m going to bash and bounce!

I saw Smashing Pumpkins last night at the Chicago Theatre. Their first of 4 Chicago shows. The first time they’ve been back to Chicago in 7 or 8 years. 8 rows up and center, staring at Billy as he came out in a golden headress and shiny gold dress.
I know everyone says it’s not really Smashing Pumpkins without D’Arcy and James but their replacements are pretty good. Billy even went as far as to get a blond female bassist and a dark haired male guitarist. Good continuity. They also added musicians for the tour. They had horns, keyboard, accordion and a mystery electric string instrument. Fancy electric violin?
The show was 2.5 hours total. 2 hours of the show was good. The 20 minute long Pink Floyd cover was a good time to go to the bathroom. The 10 minutes of Billy’s ego rambling at the end was just confusing.
Sometimes this week I get a recording of the show so I can continue my swooning.

I haven’t rode my bike much since Halloween and I still hurt. Specifically, my tailbone hurts and I’m pretty sure I badly angered or bruised it. I sat on a hard chair for a while on Saturday and it’s been killing me since. I almost told my boss today but there’s no good way to say “by the way boss, my ass is killing me!” I asked the internet and it said that doctors don’t do a lot for broken coccyx. Pain meds and baths and a few days of rest. Pain meds would be nice but I like things like driving and not wasting vacation time better. So I suck it up, do some stretches my roommate showed me and whimper when I stand.

Clinical stuff-my sessions with my clients were pretty good and I think I’ve engaged them enough that they won’t bail. I start a new client next week so I will be back up to 3.

Parts and stuff- I saw my girly doctor today and insurance rules have changed since last year. I can get my tubes tied at the hospital’s outpatient clinic which makes me much more confident in the whole not dying thing. I might be able to schedule in a few weeks. I’ve even told my mom about it since I’m doubting my ability to walk up flights of stairs to my apartment after surgery. Staying at home to recover will make my mom feel nice and…motherly.
My dad suggested my mom email me instead of call because I don’t like the phone. Her first email was all in caps and a big run on sentence. I emailed her about the tube tying and she called me to respond. Almost got it.

I went out with the ladies tonight. It was nice, not too mommy focused, a lot of discussion about the election and politics. There was one other non-mommy there, making it split between moms/non-moms even for some of the night. I think the trick is just to not be the only non-mom. Don’t go to the playroom. Go to bars.

Also, I want to live in a warehouse with a rooftop garden and bands play in my basement and I make spray paint and gravel mandalas in my barren front yard.

Maybe I should dress like an insect every day.
I went to the work dressed as a “worker bee.” Black dress, striped tights, yellow wing (that light up!) and antenna. My coworkers loved it. I just wish some of them dressed up too. It was just me and a few clients dressed up.
Went home, got some cheap bike head light/tail lights at KMart. Take that Target and Sports Authority who had sets for twice as much!
Then I switched from my dress to some black shorts and long sleeve shirt and bloodied myself and my bee costume up. Zom-bee! Sticky coagulated blood for my face and drippy blood for the bee costume. And a little bit of blood for the floor, the sink, my shirt, my hands…um, everything.

Then I dragged my new (to me) bike out of the basement, decided to take side streets because I’ve never rode on a city street before and zoom! I was off. Slowly. So slowly. Oh god, why does this take so much effort to get not far? Why can’t I coast? I was sweating and half dead by the time I got to the roommate’s boy’s house. Roommate looked at my bike and pointed out that I was in the wrong gear. I thought
1=easy. Guess not. Also the guy that sold me the bike called it a hybrid but roommate thinks it looks more like a mountain bike.
I wanted to flop on the couch and sleep but it was time for My First Critical Mass! So we rode downtown in all of our zombie, bloody, whitefaced awesomeness. I really struggled with the hills. Yes, Chicago has hills. Small ones but my thighs really felt them when I was barely able to keep up on flat surfaces.
We got to Daley Plaza and it was filled with costumed riders of every sort and a few parents and kids trick or treating. I gave candy to kids, took a few pics and drank a lot of water. Then remembered I didn’t have a chance to eat dinner, maybe that was why I was feeling weak? No, I’m just out of shape.

So we rode through downtown very slowly which I didn’t mind at all since I was exhausted. We waved at people and the traffic cops made sure no one tried to run us over. We get out of downtown and it seems like a parade. The entire street is ours and people are coming out of their houses and businesses to wave and cheer at us. Ya, some people came out of their cars to swear at us but being toward the back of the mass, I expected to see a lot more anger. I read today that mass was estimated 2,000 people.
Then things got very slow and weird. We were close to the highway, on some small road near a bunch of warehouses. There was an ambulance that needed to cut through so we got separated from the rest of the mass. It was so slow that I got off my bike and walked it for a bit because it was impossible to ride that slow with so many people around. After all the slow down, we went back on big streets. I’m not sure why that route was chosen but when riding from Milwaukee & Halsted to Milwaukee & Ashland, why not just take…Milwaukee! Instead of whatever fucked up little streets we were going down. By the time we got to Wicker Park, we were separated from the rest of the group by a noticable amount. Streets were no longer being corked, more cops were seen arresting people than riding with us. I was exhausted and my roommate and her boy were disappointed that the mass got split up so we stopped to get food.
I heard from another friend that did the mass. He was near the very front and didn’t have as many problems. So it wasn’t that we were recklessly heading into trouble, trouble just found us somewhere along the way. With a group that large, I can understand it.
I was so sore that I took the bus home. My ass, knee and elbow still hurt. I’m going to try to ride the roommate’s bike to see if hers is better because I’m still not sure if I was so exhausted because I haven’t rode in forever or if it’s my bike’s fault. I would like to blame my bike because it’s easier getting a new bike than getting sexy new legs. I’m hoping the weather stays nice for a little while longer so I can get some riding in before winter. I know it’s crazy to expect the weather to be nice at the end of November but if by some crazy chance it is, maybe I will do the Nov Mass.

Busy couple of weeks! Birthdays, bachelorette party, bikes (can’t think of anymore B’s) and clients!
I want to get a bicycle so I can ride in the Halloween Critical Mass. My roommate has convinced me that it’s much fun and I won’t die because it’s a slow ride and there are lots of people. I didn’t feel so reassured by the guy I met today to look at a bike he was selling. I got on and said it was too tall. He asked if I was one of those people that hasn’t been on a bike in 5 years. How did he tell so quickly? Probably the way I gracefully swung my leg over the bike like I was mounting a horse. And 5 years? Try more like 10 aside from pretending to ride away on my niece/nephew’s bike while babysitting. I didn’t get the bike because I couldn’t put my feet flat on the ground. Maybe not everyone needs that in a bike? He was nice about meeting me in the rain to have me reject his bike because I’m short.

And clients! I met with 2 of my clients last weekend. I’m kind of bothered at the disorganization of the agency. They didn’t get me a key to the counseling rooms and I was waiting in the lobby for someone to bring one down. I heard my client arrive and asked the receptionist for a key again and he said “Oh, the person with the keys just walked away.” I reminded him I’m NEW and don’t know the person he is talking about. An introduction would have been helpful. So his next solution was to bang on the door of the counseling area. Great. I did and eventually another staff person lent me her key for the day. So far this key thing has not been resolved because (I was finally informed) volunteers don’t get keys.

My clients are awesome and I know I’m capable of handling their issues but I also know it’s going to take a couple sessions for “counselor mode” to kick in. I can snap to “crisis counselor” right away but regular counseling takes a different level of planning and is about much less tangible things. I met with my supervisor and told him my concerns and he seems pretty convinced that I’m on the right track. I’m doing a good job of identifying core issues, I know what Not to do, I’m eager to offer the client something. What that something is…I don’t know. Maybe I’m looking for too concrete of a solution. I’m used to cognitive-behavioral counseling, crisis intervention and substance abuse group treatment. All very structured. Substance abuse treatment even has steps!

So I’m working on not letting my anxiety freeze me. Work isn’t busy this week, I can read up on the very important 2nd session.

Not going to go into detail about the bachelorette party but dammit if I knew the bachelorette’s mom was going to be there, I would have got her something a bit more tame! I was a bit put off by a party goer going “eww” at my gift. Another said her husband didn’t want her having “things like that.” WTF ladies? Take control of your vajays!
Also a nice drunk boy tried picking me up at the bar after the party. He told me he broke his rib the week before and I responded by hitting him. I’m excellent with men. (He still invited me back to his place and then I snuck out when he wasn’t looking.)

Buddha class ended, my head is filled with all sorts of Buddha knowledge that I will soon be unable to recall. Actually, I intend of continuing with this Buddha stuff. I put all of my class info in a nice binder for future reference. I’m going to start meditating more often at the Zen temple closer to me and maybe join one of their study groups.

My friend got married last weekend, I was sick and only able to go to the ceremony before I felt like I was going to fall into a fevery sleep. It was a small ceremony and very nice because Jesus was not mentioned and Henry Miller was.

The GLBT health center finally contacted me. I meet with my clinical supervisor next week at my agency.  I feel all professional, I even booked the conference room because my office is set up weird and there’s a computer desk keeping me from sitting next to anyone.

I’m looking for a new phone because Verizon will give me credit toward a new one and my current phone makes funny sounds other than people’s voices.  I’m thinking about the Samsung Alias because it has a QWERTY keyboard. No, I’m not getting an Iphone. Too big, too breakable, too expensive. And I really have no need for it. The only time I can think of the internet being useful is when I get lost, which I do a lot. I can text Google for addresses, I might be able to do the same for directions. Did you non-internet-on-phone people know you can text GOOGL to get addresses and phone numbers? Very useful.

We have lots of potatoes (because I was going to make meatloaf cupcakes but then got sick) so I’m going to make cheesy potato soup. And it’s going to be awesome.

Friday I saw Co-ed Prison Sluts with friends. It was just as funny as I remembered it being 10 years ago. It’s run has been extended, it shows every Friday so go see it. I slap my ass at you!

Saturday I made lots of penis shaped cookies for my friend’s bachelorette party. I made one of the cookies XL and wrote the friend’s fiance’s name on it with icing. He saw it and was slightly horrified. I made goodie bags for the party with fake jewelry, pink shot glasses, cookies and other random things. This is as girly as I get. This friend is having a simple wedding, not making anyone wear stupid dresses, do the Electric Slide, eat bad chicken or any of the other that brides like inflicting on people. I appreciate this and show my appreciation by feeding her drinks that have “ball” in the name and trying to get her to wear a tiara.

I get mad when I see Christmas decorations up in the store in August but I’m already thinking about Halloween. It really is retail’s fault. I went to the store today to buy stuff for my friend’s bachelorette party and the Halloween costumes were already out.

I already saw a cute costume, a zom-bee (undead bee, of course). Or maybe sexy Abraham Lincoln.

Also October means my birthday! Ugh, 29! It looks like the party will be the first weekend in October. I will email out invites so make sure I gots your info.

I recently discovered that there is still a jug of jungle juice from last year’s party in my parent’s freezer. A bunch of alcohol mixed with OJ and fruit punch. Break it out for my bday or use it to blind enemies?

I was damn unproductive this weekend. Lots of of bars and friends so an accurate summary of my summer: Little accomplishing, much drinking.

I don’t think I actually wrote up a to-do list but I know I wanted to learn more about Buddhism (finishing my class within the next couple weeks), meditate more (didn’t meditate most of the summer, starting to get back into it now), lose weight (ha!), take a trapeze class (decided it would be hell on my knees), stay out of a relationship (dated but stayed away from monogamy-land) and keep busy (does the drinking count?).

So I’m still undisciplined as ever. But this weekend was fun! One of my better ones even if it involved saying goodbye to a friend that’s moving across the country for a PhD program. I found out who sent me the Pink love note (not who I thought!). I bought tacky bachelorette party things and then carried penis shaped cookie cutters in my purse for a night. I stayed up much too late and I’m on my way to doing that again tonight. I saw Blue Ribbon Glee Club in Millennium Park. I know a glee clubber! I went to Lush and spent way too much on soap. It’s one of my few girlie things along with shoes.
This entry is probably only interesting to me at this point. But I need entries like this to look back on since “I write to remember.” People record history in order to avoid repeating it or to painstakingly try to recreate a certain point in time.