I met my clinical supervisor this week. He is super awesome, I like his counseling style and he is down with my interest in holistic therapy.  Assuming all goes well with the paperwork and my hours, I have about 7 months of volunteering ahead of me. Maybe when I am done they will ask me to be a contractual therapist and I can keep seeing my few clients and (!) get paid!

The client coordinator at the center I will be volunteering at contacted me and said I can start seeing clients anytime. I’m going to go in next week to see how the logistics of seeing clients works and will probably have my first sessions next Saturday. So excited!

I’ve been looking into a certificate at The Stress Institute at Roosevelt University. The certificate is in relaxation, meditation and mindfulness. It’s not exactly what I’m looking for as far as holistic therapy but I can’t find anything else college/university based in the area. Ideally, I would like something similar to the holistic health program at Western Michigan Uni. Without going to Michigan.

Coincidentally, today’s NASW newsletter had a link to an article on Zen of Therapy. The book seems more of a “how to keep your cool when dealing with crackheads” type guide but also talks about incorporating Zen practice into counseling practice with the client.
Earlier in the week I was watching Brad Warner (Hardcore Zen author) debate a sock puppet. The sock puppet thought he was Noah Levine. Silly socks! Noah Levine is also a punk rock Buddhist but he is more like “Raa I almost killed myself with drugs and smashed people and then I found Buddha! Neck tattoos!” Brad Warner isn’t that intense and I’m pretty sure he would still be alive without Buddha. Noah co-founded an organization that uses Buddhist thought in helping incarcerated teenagers. I’ve found a few different Buddhist counseling programs in California. It would seem California is the place to be for what I’m looking for but I’ve seen what Americans do to Eastern ideas when they attempt to mainstream them. (Who wants a Miley Cyrus feng-shui mat?)

Buddha class ended, my head is filled with all sorts of Buddha knowledge that I will soon be unable to recall. Actually, I intend of continuing with this Buddha stuff. I put all of my class info in a nice binder for future reference. I’m going to start meditating more often at the Zen temple closer to me and maybe join one of their study groups.

My friend got married last weekend, I was sick and only able to go to the ceremony before I felt like I was going to fall into a fevery sleep. It was a small ceremony and very nice because Jesus was not mentioned and Henry Miller was.

The GLBT health center finally contacted me. I meet with my clinical supervisor next week at my agency.  I feel all professional, I even booked the conference room because my office is set up weird and there’s a computer desk keeping me from sitting next to anyone.

I’m looking for a new phone because Verizon will give me credit toward a new one and my current phone makes funny sounds other than people’s voices.  I’m thinking about the Samsung Alias because it has a QWERTY keyboard. No, I’m not getting an Iphone. Too big, too breakable, too expensive. And I really have no need for it. The only time I can think of the internet being useful is when I get lost, which I do a lot. I can text Google for addresses, I might be able to do the same for directions. Did you non-internet-on-phone people know you can text GOOGL to get addresses and phone numbers? Very useful.

We have lots of potatoes (because I was going to make meatloaf cupcakes but then got sick) so I’m going to make cheesy potato soup. And it’s going to be awesome.

On Kevin MD (one of my favorite medblogs) there was a post about Pain Exhibit, an exhibit of artwork created by chronic pain sufferers. The gallery and explanations are very impressive. Some of the works remind me of PostSecret, some cards are about pain being hidden or an illness being a secret.

When I was in undergrad, I wanted to be an art therapist. I didn’t go into the program because I thought it was too specified and would limit me. I don’t see many job postings for art therapists so I suppose I was right. Most likely art therapists are working average social work/counseling jobs and just adding art therapy where they can. Looking into art therapy was just my attempt at having a creative job that I always wanted but knew I wasn’t talented enough to pull off.

Can you tell I don’t like having lots of topics in one post?

I’m starting to think about what kind of CEU’s I want to do for my LSW. I would like to do workshops on alternative/holistic therapy because my grad program did not explore alternative therapies at all. The ASWB publishes a list of approved CEU providers and I found a couple sites that list alternative therapy online courses.

Another option is to take a class. I started looking at post-master’s certificate programs but can’t find anything I like. There are lots of classes for non-profit management and some classes (not all post-grad) for clinicians but not a lot of in-between. The research courses I’m finding are for real scientists and the math in them would probably kill me.

I might be on my way to restarting clinical supervision. My boss gave me a few referrals. Unfortunately, the referral at the university can’t supervise me but one other person might. One referral I’m not contacting because her agency focuses on parenting resources. I don’t think I need the challenge of a “mommy and me” centered supervisor right now.

So I am still doing some social work based activities and not just writing letters and looking for FedEx envelopes.

From a fake problem to a real one.

I work mostly with substance abuse cases in my new position. Since I have substance abuse treatment experience, my supervisor lets me make treatment decisions and offers help only when I ask. I kind of like it that way. So in our last meetings I mention a difficult case I have. The client should really at a minimum, complete an intensive outpatient program. She has many years of polysubstance abuse and no treatment history. She’s a single mother in a rural area, works far from home at a low paying job and has little family support. She has medical insurance through her job and pays for her own apartment. Those in social service know that things that seem good, like private medical insurance, often disqualify low income clients from services.

The client will lose her job if she does not follow the recommended treatment. The client is not particularly dedicated to her job and may quit her job if treatment expectations are too intensive. She’s not dedicated to sobriety either and has continued to use drugs even after testing positive at work.

So what to recommend? I think an introduction to treatment, some education is better than none. Recommend a combination of self pay group counseling, some individual counseling sessions paid for by the employer and self support groups like NA.  Sounds similar to an IOP but offers more flexibility and lower cost.

My supervisor says no. If she needs IOP, recommend IOP.  A hospital about a half hour from the client offers IOP services. I understand where my supervisor is coming from. The environmental circumstances don’t change the fact that she needs intensive services.  I explained the “some is better than none” theory and my supervisor disagrees. She says it is not our problem if she cannot complete services, we are bound to make a recommendation strictly based on her presenting symptoms/use.

I have to make a recommendation this week. I’ve been “given my orders” but like I said, unless I bring up an issue in a case, my supervisor doesn’t notice what I do.

I turned in everything the research job asked for. I got letters of recommendation, transcripts and I went to the doctor. I am very anxious for a confirmation call now. I’m not feeling as bad about leaving my current position anymore. Even with the promotion, I will still be making more at the research job. And my current job isn’t all that interesting. I feel like I’m running in circles all day, doing follow-up upon follow-up.

At the doctor, I mentioned my sleeping problems, night terrors and constant napping. The doctor suggested a sleep study. So I’m going to hopefully make an appointment before I quit this job so I can suck all I can out of my stupid HMO. She wants to see if there is a neurological cause or if I’m not getting my good “deep” sleep. She also referred me to a psychologist just in case it’s none of the above and I’m just fucking crazy. She mentioned putting me on Tegretol and I’m happy she can’t (or won’t) because of my defective heart.

I told her I’m trying acupuncture and looking to go a non-drug route. I get bitter about taking meds after a while. I get angry when my big uncoated pills get stuck in my throat or when I feel sick because even after all these years I still forget a dose occasionally. It’s a common feeling among those with any sort of chronic illness. I’m sick of being sick. Fix me NOW or leave me alone. And goddamn, stop lumping me in the same category as other sick people. I hate them.

It’s almost June which means dammit I need a new job. My lease is up in a couple months and I want to be able to live on my own. I would really like the research job but I’m open to other possibilities. The one thing I won’t do is start applying for every job out there, that’s how I get stuck in this job.

No good crazy stories from work lately. My clients must just be keeping it all bottled in. I did have a woman ask me if I can give her the phone number to a counselor she saw years ago. His name is Dave and he’s in NYC. No, she didn’t have other details.

While bored at work, I came across an article, Study: 23% of vets in prison are sex offenders
A read a few different versions of the article and they all contained the same line. “Federal researchers cannot say why.” Can’t? Or won’t? It’s one thing for people to think that soldiers are killers and rapists. It’s another thing for studies to actually agree that they are rapists. Maybe you want to look into that a little? I probably sound like I should be wearing a tinfoil hat but I don’t think this study’s results will be investigated further. I looked at a bunch of different articles and they are all almost the exact same wording. That’s odd for an article that appears over 25 times in Google news.

I looked at the original report and here’s some more interesting stats:
25% of vet’s victims were related, 11% of non-vets were relatives. Relatives do not include spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends or ex’s. Those people are included under “intimate” which is just 2% higher victim rate for vets. So who are they assaulting if not SO’s? Well, this might lead you to an answer. 20% of vet’s victims were 12 and younger (10% non-vet), 20% were ages 13-17 (14% non-vet, not terribly significant).
Other random significant stats: incarcerated vets had a much higher divorce rate but possibly partially due to about 10 year higher median age.
I won’t even go into the mental illness rates for vets. Let people who flipped out about VA Tech shooting go into gun laws and mental illness.

I’m bitter because my boss pulled me aside at work and told me I needed to work on how I close calls with clients. BigCo has a standard closing we are all supposed to use and I use it…mmm..never. Calls are randomly monitored so the boss has started to pick up on this.

I don’t use their standard close because it sounds too customer service and doesn’t always fit in the flow of the call. I hate having to stumble over a line right before I hang up and ruin an otherwise clinically based conversation. Or sometimes the conversation isn’t at all clinical, the person just has a quick question and says thanks and it’s appropriate for me to say “you’re welcome, bye.”

My boss says that she wouldn’t want to see anything bad happen to me or have me face disciplinary action because of this. Oh and otherwise the calls she monitors are great!

So I’m a great clinically but my customer service skills can use work? Maybe because I’m not a customer service rep! No wonder I want a new job. I want to be a counselor and be expected to do…counseling. I understand many positions have multiple expectations but no other position I have been in has focused so much on an expectation unrelated to social service.

I should be applying for jobs, instead I’m reading NIN message boards.

So I often think about what a horrible counselor I’m shaping up to be due to my current job. I can put clients on mute, make faces when they say stupid things and never have to hear the results of my bad advice.

Thankfully there are always reminders that there are worse counselors out there. And they work with my company! Or at least used to. A coworker forwarded me a particularly interesting complaint about a counselor we used to work with. The client told us that the counselor has a bird roaming the office, no door and his office smells. We ask the counselor about these complaints and he admits he has a pigeon loose in the office (a pet, not just a random pigeon), he has a cube rather than an office so everything the client says can be heard in the waiting room and sometimes there is a “moldy smell” coming from his basement.

That’s the problem with working people you never meet. Someone can look good on paper and be completely inappropriate in real life.

I’m having troubles making myself look good on paper. Resume writing and cover letter writing are not my strong skills. Which is why I avoid by writing pointless blog entries.

I know, I’ve been busy.

I’ve been studying for the LSW exam thats in less than 2 weeks. I’m not entirely sure I will pass. The thought of not passing, not being able to move on from BigCo stresses me. On top of that stress, I think I’m getting sick. I’m just not in a good mood lately.

Listening to the new guy next to me spend his first couple days on the phone, I realize how far away from counseling my job has grown. New guy was at his desk late and I asked him why, he said he just got stuck on a call with a talker. I don’t really get that anymore. I mean, unless its a counselor’s office calling to argue with me but that’s not really talking.

I also feel really unproductive lately. I know studying has a point but that doesn’t seem to help.

I went to the doctor last week, my robot heart almost revolted on me in early January. I guess swimming at the gym stresses my heart more than I thought because I almost got a shock that could have possibly drowned me. It’s a nice thing to think about next time I do any exercise alone.

Also, sofuckingcold.