I turned in everything the research job asked for. I got letters of recommendation, transcripts and I went to the doctor. I am very anxious for a confirmation call now. I’m not feeling as bad about leaving my current position anymore. Even with the promotion, I will still be making more at the research job. And my current job isn’t all that interesting. I feel like I’m running in circles all day, doing follow-up upon follow-up.

At the doctor, I mentioned my sleeping problems, night terrors and constant napping. The doctor suggested a sleep study. So I’m going to hopefully make an appointment before I quit this job so I can suck all I can out of my stupid HMO. She wants to see if there is a neurological cause or if I’m not getting my good “deep” sleep. She also referred me to a psychologist just in case it’s none of the above and I’m just fucking crazy. She mentioned putting me on Tegretol and I’m happy she can’t (or won’t) because of my defective heart.

I told her I’m trying acupuncture and looking to go a non-drug route. I get bitter about taking meds after a while. I get angry when my big uncoated pills get stuck in my throat or when I feel sick because even after all these years I still forget a dose occasionally. It’s a common feeling among those with any sort of chronic illness. I’m sick of being sick. Fix me NOW or leave me alone. And goddamn, stop lumping me in the same category as other sick people. I hate them.

It’s almost June which means dammit I need a new job. My lease is up in a couple months and I want to be able to live on my own. I would really like the research job but I’m open to other possibilities. The one thing I won’t do is start applying for every job out there, that’s how I get stuck in this job.

No good crazy stories from work lately. My clients must just be keeping it all bottled in. I did have a woman ask me if I can give her the phone number to a counselor she saw years ago. His name is Dave and he’s in NYC. No, she didn’t have other details.

While bored at work, I came across an article, Study: 23% of vets in prison are sex offenders
A read a few different versions of the article and they all contained the same line. “Federal researchers cannot say why.” Can’t? Or won’t? It’s one thing for people to think that soldiers are killers and rapists. It’s another thing for studies to actually agree that they are rapists. Maybe you want to look into that a little? I probably sound like I should be wearing a tinfoil hat but I don’t think this study’s results will be investigated further. I looked at a bunch of different articles and they are all almost the exact same wording. That’s odd for an article that appears over 25 times in Google news.

I looked at the original report and here’s some more interesting stats:
25% of vet’s victims were related, 11% of non-vets were relatives. Relatives do not include spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends or ex’s. Those people are included under “intimate” which is just 2% higher victim rate for vets. So who are they assaulting if not SO’s? Well, this might lead you to an answer. 20% of vet’s victims were 12 and younger (10% non-vet), 20% were ages 13-17 (14% non-vet, not terribly significant).
Other random significant stats: incarcerated vets had a much higher divorce rate but possibly partially due to about 10 year higher median age.
I won’t even go into the mental illness rates for vets. Let people who flipped out about VA Tech shooting go into gun laws and mental illness.

I’m bitter because my boss pulled me aside at work and told me I needed to work on how I close calls with clients. BigCo has a standard closing we are all supposed to use and I use it…mmm..never. Calls are randomly monitored so the boss has started to pick up on this.

I don’t use their standard close because it sounds too customer service and doesn’t always fit in the flow of the call. I hate having to stumble over a line right before I hang up and ruin an otherwise clinically based conversation. Or sometimes the conversation isn’t at all clinical, the person just has a quick question and says thanks and it’s appropriate for me to say “you’re welcome, bye.”

My boss says that she wouldn’t want to see anything bad happen to me or have me face disciplinary action because of this. Oh and otherwise the calls she monitors are great!

So I’m a great clinically but my customer service skills can use work? Maybe because I’m not a customer service rep! No wonder I want a new job. I want to be a counselor and be expected to do…counseling. I understand many positions have multiple expectations but no other position I have been in has focused so much on an expectation unrelated to social service.

I should be applying for jobs, instead I’m reading NIN message boards.

So I often think about what a horrible counselor I’m shaping up to be due to my current job. I can put clients on mute, make faces when they say stupid things and never have to hear the results of my bad advice.

Thankfully there are always reminders that there are worse counselors out there. And they work with my company! Or at least used to. A coworker forwarded me a particularly interesting complaint about a counselor we used to work with. The client told us that the counselor has a bird roaming the office, no door and his office smells. We ask the counselor about these complaints and he admits he has a pigeon loose in the office (a pet, not just a random pigeon), he has a cube rather than an office so everything the client says can be heard in the waiting room and sometimes there is a “moldy smell” coming from his basement.

That’s the problem with working people you never meet. Someone can look good on paper and be completely inappropriate in real life.

I’m having troubles making myself look good on paper. Resume writing and cover letter writing are not my strong skills. Which is why I avoid by writing pointless blog entries.

I know, I’ve been busy.

I’ve been studying for the LSW exam thats in less than 2 weeks. I’m not entirely sure I will pass. The thought of not passing, not being able to move on from BigCo stresses me. On top of that stress, I think I’m getting sick. I’m just not in a good mood lately.

Listening to the new guy next to me spend his first couple days on the phone, I realize how far away from counseling my job has grown. New guy was at his desk late and I asked him why, he said he just got stuck on a call with a talker. I don’t really get that anymore. I mean, unless its a counselor’s office calling to argue with me but that’s not really talking.

I also feel really unproductive lately. I know studying has a point but that doesn’t seem to help.

I went to the doctor last week, my robot heart almost revolted on me in early January. I guess swimming at the gym stresses my heart more than I thought because I almost got a shock that could have possibly drowned me. It’s a nice thing to think about next time I do any exercise alone.

Also, sofuckingcold.

I got my November newsletter from NASW-IL and came across this article title: Children, Moral Dilemmas and Putting Our Hearts Where Are Mouths Are.

I admit, I have no room to talk. I no write good. But I don’t submit my C- for effort work to professional publications either. The mistake may have been a proofreading error or a grad student doesn’t know the difference between our and are. Having gone through a MSW program, I’m going to say it’s the latter.

I know it’s a small detail but it bothered me. Also the article was crap. It reminded me of the 5 paragraph papers I had to write in grade school where the teacher would take off points if there wasn’t an opening and closing paragraph and a topic sentence.

Just like every other non-Republican in Chicago, my heart is aflutter reading the rumors that Obama may run for President.

I first fell for Mr. Obama not for his politics but for his writing. One of my grad school professors suggested I read his book, Dreams from my Father.  The book tells his pre-Senate story from his childhood to activism in Chicago. He wrote about how hard it was to advocate for communities he did not belong to and he searched for the community, for the family he belonged to. Advocacy and community organization are big parts of social work and Mr. Obama was hitting both topics. And he wrote about smoking pot in his tiny Chicago apartment. Oh, you’re scandalous Mr. Obama!

Why else is he so popular? He’s hot. The bitches love him, he totally has that JFK thing going. He has some more hotness left in him so even if he doesn’t run this time, he should be good to the election after that.

But what do people really think? Well, if you visit CraigsList Rants N Raves, the underbelly of the internet, people think “OMG Blackie!” Damn you Mr. Obama, why do you only have to be half white? Your diversity is messing everything up!

It’s an interesting question, how bigoted is America? A better question is, who do we hate more? I’m imagining a bracket system like college basketball play offs. Who does American hate more? African Americans vs women. Go!

Wheel chair President vs blind President? (I know Franklin Roosevelt used a wheelchair, but never in public so he doesn’t count.)

Gay vs. Pagan?

Obese vs. diminutive?

The fun can go on forever! I don’t know who Americans hate more but I’m pretty sure an African American wheel chair bound lesbian would never be President. Which sucks because there might be a brilliant dyke on wheels out there just waiting to install ramps in the White House.

It’s interesting how I found this story. On Fark there is a link to an article on Daily Kos about CNN’s lack of coverage of real news. The article’s author takes out all of the “fluff” news from CNN’s homepage and is left with a few links. News sites publish crap and huge ads. Agreed.

One of the “fluff” pieces that was taken out: Social Worker Beaten To Death, Baby Missing. I don’t have a link to the original article because by the time I looked at CNN.com, the article had changed to baby found and linked to another article questioning if social workers are in danger at their jobs. I understand not everyone cares if social workers are in danger. Or if this woman was beaten to death. However, I wouldn’t call the story “fluff”. Fluff is Paris Hilton’s new clothing line, pet or STD. Fluff is an article about the dangers of MySpace that just cites all the other articles about the dangers of MySpace without offering any new information.

So fluff or not, if this story is covered by the local news, I will be getting a panicked call from my mother tomorrow. Even though my job is not remotely dangerous, she worries about my career and my future jobs. My safety is something I consider when choosing jobs. People that knows me know my “My client is a murderer!” story. And that was in an agency setting. A ton of entry level jobs require home visits and transporting clients in your own vehicle. I won’t do either.

Most agencies do not have enough money or staff to send social workers out in pairs or hire escort staff. I went to grad school with lots of DCFS workers. They all had stories about violent parents or children threatening them, pulling weapons, locking them inside.

I’m afraid of becoming a fluff piece.

You know that client I felt all warm and fuzzy about helping? She never called back for the shelter list. Everytime I try to call her, the line is busy.

I think this more accurately describes how a social worker feels.

One of my last calls of the day..

A woman called in asking for help with family issues. I explore a little and she tells me she was living with a relative but got kicked out recently. Now she has to find a place for herself and child to stay. She’s new to the area, new job, no resources.
I look at the notes on what type of benefits she is offered. (Each client gets different things.) I ask a coworker to clarify. “Hey it says phone support. Does that mean phone counseling?” No, it means she talks to me. And that’s her only benefit through my company.

OK, usually I can find some resources quickly. “What city do you live in?” New Orleans. Have you tried searching for “shelters” “social service” “low income” in New Orleans post-Katrina? I am not finding what I am looking for. I consult with coworker again. “This search is impossible! What do i do?” Coworker suggests referring to United Way. United Way is a really helpful organization but from interning in a shelter, I know the client’s chances of finding availability through one agency are not good. We would have shelter residents that stayed on the phones for hours searching for shelters with suitable openings. Shelters have so many exclusionary policies- Children, gender, children’s age, job status, county residency,mental illness, substance abuse history.
So I tell the client to call back in a half hour and get my social work on. I beat Google into giving me the search results I want and end up finding 8 suitable shelters in her area. I also found some free counseling services and financial resources.

I’ve missed what it feels like to really try to be helpful.