I finally have contractual clients! Ironically after all of that time getting on an insurance panel, both of my clients have a different insurance provider and surprisingly great out of network benefits. Having new clients with new issues has pushed me to pull some of my therapy related books off the shelf. I’m currently re-reading The Albert Ellis Reader and reading some chapters of the Yalom Reader. Yalom is all about group therapy but there are some chapters about his individual work.

My other news is that I am getting married! I created another blog for wedding related things and I suck at updating that one just as much as I suck at updating this one.  Wedding details are very easy to get caught up in because there are so many details to plan. I’m hoping if I can start writing about the details, I will at least be doing something productive that others can use.

I was hoping by now I could post about my new clients. Problem is, I don’t have any.
First, I got my liability insurance. I’m covered as a part time contractor and the insurance is pretty cheap. My NASW membership was more than twice the insurance cost.

I waited for a while to see if I could get self pay clients but the agency I volunteer at didn’t have any for me. I found out during the school year, interns take a lot of their self pay and sliding scale clients.

So I asked if I could apply to work with insured clients. I filled out all of the paperwork (it’s really long), got an NPI number, turned in copies of my license and learned how to do all of their insurance paperwork and I have been waiting for over a month. I know from a previous job that insurance companies take a long time to approve new clinicians. I know from volunteering that the agency takes a long time to get things done. So right now I am actually losing money by volunteering since I am paying for insurance and a NASW membership.

There is always the possibility of going to another agency to be a contractor or fee for service provider but I like the agency I volunteer at. I can come in on the days I choose and see only adults. The other agencies I have come across want a Saturday and a clinician that will see children and families.

At my job, I’ve started supervising interns and coordinating the internship program instead of just assisting. I like working with interns. It amazes me when I say something and they write it down. I have a good relationship with my students and they seem to accept that I am learning as I go. They tell me “for the next round of interns” when they find mistakes in our supervision or orientation process.
I try to be very hands on to learn how to make everything better for the students. This is a huge time suck. I’ve spent hours meeting with a student that I was not supervising. I am at the point that my job could be split off into two positions, one dealing only with interns and universities. Too bad that I am in non-profit land and that will never happen. So I will have to do a better job of preparing other supervisors “for the next round.”

I had a no-baby shower last weekend. I think it was the best shower I’ve been to. Drinking, cheese filled foods, cupcakes, a fish hat and lots of friends and some family. I got some baby showed decs from the party store and tacked NO onto them but apparently it wasn’t clear enough what we were celebrating because the people at a table near us asked if I had a boy or girl. At least they were nice enough to assume I already had the baby if I was drinking. A little vodka in the breast milk is good for baby!
I registered as a not-the-mama-to-be and got some awesome gifts. My grandma took the opportunity to ship me half of her kitchen. I think she is afraid she will never see me or my female cousin get married and she doesn’t know what to do with all of these kitchen things.

Work has been fucking depressing. We have more budget troubles and we did not apply for either of the research grants I was working on. One of the grants would have been a revival of a project we worked on with a local university. For some reason, no one decided to ask the professors at the university if they were also applying until the day before the grant was due. Surprise, they were and they were upset that we didn’t tell them we were applying, too. Maybe if we had called earlier, we could have collaborated again and submitted the damn app.
So now the next round of applications aren’t due until early summer and I keep telling my boss “we have to start early” and she keeps..doing nothing. This is something she really has to start because it’s a collaborative grant and she has to initiate the collaboration because no one knows little research assistant girl!

I e-attended a NASW CEU presentation. I’m happy that they have developed this in person/online CEU workshop series. They’re not terribly expensive and they have a good range of topics. They still have some kinks to work out. The sound went out on the presentation for a while and the mic didn’t pick up questions the audience asked. The presentation was on holistic therapy which sounds good but it was a little too new age for me. Past life regression? Really? So much for evidence based practice! I was hoping for a little more accessible topics, not some woman selling her book.

Also, I am adoring Amanda Palmer’s post on her song Oasis. I think we need more upbeat songs about abortion. Let’s dance.

Happy new year all!

I did the whole Xmas thing with my family and it was surprisingly calm this year. My big brother kept his proselytizing to a minimum and I kept my shaking of children to once an hour. I sent out Xmas cards with a picture of Santa in meditation pose and the words “Dharma Dharma Dharma!” above him. Dharma is translated to ho in Japanese. Buddhist joke! I noticed that I didn’t get a card from my aunt and uncle in The South and I don’t think I got one from them last year either. I haven’t seen them in a while but I still talk to my cousin. I sent her a card and present and got a “Happy CHRISTmas!” text back from her. Oh, Jesus lovin family members. I feel more Buddhist the less I let you upset me.

For NYE, I went to Takashi with my boy and friends and then to Subt to see Holy Fuck with a bigger group of friends. Takashi is a Japanese fusion restaurant and it doesn’t focus as heavily on the raw fishes as other Japanese restaurants do. I think they were just as fancy as Blackbird (the restaurant I went to last NYE) but about half the price.
Subt was good because it wasn’t packed so there was room to stand in the back and drink without being smashed into by drunk hipsters. Afterward was late night food and immediate passing out. I’m getting old.

I went to the doctor for my tube tying follow-up. He said everything looks good and reminded me I can have unprotected sex before I left. How often does a doctor do that!
At work, we seem to be trudging along with a grant application that I don’t really think is feasible. Grants often require a match which means the agency has to put up a certain percentage of the amount they are requesting. This particular grant requires a large match amount and our agency just doesn’t have it. We can use in-kind matches, percentages of the salaries of staff that will work on the project but that won’t cover the full amount. It seems like we are going after the grant because we are desperate for new funding sources which ultimately wastes a lot of my time when I put grant writing/prep effort into a grant we aren’t going to get.
The exec team member I’m working with did bring up a good point. He said if we could just get one grant in, it might give us some momentum and the CEO would notice our efforts and maybe give us more time to work on future grants. Rights now there is no designated grant application time for the exec team. It’s just tacked on to everyone’s regular job. It’s a big part of my job but I have a few applications in process and other stupid stuff to do. I spent some of this week filing a big stack of papers and thinking about how it would make much more sense to hire a part time person to do the admin BS part of my job. I know, no money in the budget.

Next week starts boxing and next month starts burlesque lessons. I’m going to bash and bounce!

I got out of work early today because of the snow. I like that the execs live in the suburbs. Whenever there is bad weather, they will let us go early because they want to leave, too. The snow is still in that pretty stage that makes me want to take pictures of it and push people in it. There’s an empty lot next to my workplace that I need to take pictures of. It looks deceivingly pretty under the snow but a good angle could capture the sadness of the neighborhood and empty warehouse next to it.

All of my clients cancelled for tonight and I’m not calling any of them until tomorrow. I feel like I’ve successfully engaged my clients and I can see progress but I still get lazy when it’s time to actually go to the counseling center. I don’t know if it’s still anxiety or if it’s just that this is adding to my work week and stress.

My recovery since my last post has been pretty good. The big release of all of my anxiety and feeling of Rightness in the World didn’t happen. Kind of disappointed. The swelling in my belly button has gone down enough that real pants don’t bother me.  I returned to work today.  I just happened to miss Xmas paper door decorating at work! Oh well, I guess they will have to skip me.

I can’t sleep, probably because of the impending slicing and cauterizing. I’m happy I have acupuncture tomorrow. That should help me relax a little.  This whole week has been stressful at work. I should have seen it coming, trying to balance 3 grant applications due within the next 2 months.

The one that is the hardest is of course not even a research grant. It’s a pain in the ass because it involves researching job training programs in an industry I know nothing about and the two people I’m working with are not at all organized. Over the past week, they have told me that I’m in charge of the grant (I’m not, I don’t know where they got this from), been asked questions that I have directly answered in emails, and after an afternoon meeting, I get a call the next morning asking if I’ve done my follow-up tasks already. I know this chick tries to be a suck up and texts the execs at 7am every morning with the agency’s financial updates but I am not researching this stuff at home. I will do it at work and have it ready by the time of the next meeting. Which is tomorrow, yay. And my cool intern is leaving this week and next month she will be replaced by a lame intern that smells like smoke.

My research grants are coming together a little better but I’m concerned we won’t have them done in time because my boss will be out right before one is due. The logical person would say “Just finish the proposal before she leaves.” But the logical person does not work at my agency.

So I’ve been stressed and bitchy but I have done some fun things this week. I saw a burlesque version of the Nutcracker. It was all sexy like and we had good seats and there were trapeze burlesque girls! Yay for pasties and swinging from silks.

My grandma gave me her Roomba (or knockoff version of a Roomba) because she says it scares the dog. I think she is just terrified of technology. That will help with what feels like neverending cleaning. How does a small apartment get dirty so fast?

And what the hell is with this new WordPress  interface? I know you can’t see it unless you also have a WordPress blog but it sucks!

The more work I have, the less I do. I brought summaries of the grants I’m interested in applying for to the executives and they said yes to three! How do I go from zero to three? Could it have something to do with state budget cuts and the agency having no money?
One grant is only research, the 2nd is resurrecting an old program and the 3rd is mostly a program and I might throw some evaluation components in to give myself a part in it. Normally I wouldn’t get involved in a program grant but this one is big so I want to be part of it and see if I can get a raise out of it.
Even with my slacking, I’m still doing more work than I was last month. A lot of what I’m doing is independent work so it’s easier for me to get things done. I’ve stopped going to the 4 hour meetings. Now my boss just pulls me in for parts I’m involved in. I’m having more one-on-one meetings. And my boss finally laid the smack down on a pain in the ass director so I no longer have to chase him. It’s not that he’s suddenly doing his work. It’s just that I no longer have to follow up 10 times to remind him to do stuff. Let him sink.

I have 3 clients again at the GLBT center. The 3rd client is the easiest to work with so far. I identify with her in some ways which is something I will eventually discuss with my clinical supervisor. Last week we talked about one of my clients that is “internet famous” in her subculture and asked me to read her blog. I took her blog address without saying yes or no and I admit, I looked at it. I told on myself, knowing my supervisor would tell me I shouldn’t look at the client’s blog. My information should come from sessions, directly from the client, not through the information she shares with her internet community. The next session I told her I wouldn’t be reading her blog and she seemed OK with it. She has a lot going on in her past and I think she wanted to be able to say “just read this and understand me” but telling me all of those details in session is important to The Process. I’m slacking with clients, too. I haven’t done progress notes in forever and haven’t started my monthly report.

What have I been doing with my time? Not quite sure.
I went to the Chinese Democracy listening party, got a new GnR tshirt and the CD in the mail. The CD is growing on me, I really like Better. And the shirt is a total boy magnet.
I made Mac n Cheese Pancakes twice and they’re so simple and good. The 2nd time I made bacon, prosciutto wrapped cantaloupe and mimosas to go with them.
I’m making meatloaf cupcakes for the family tomorrow. My mom is jealous of hearing about my adventures in weird food and not tasting any of it. My mom called me today and told me a list of the liquors and wines she has at home and didn’t even mention food. I called her back and asked if we were just drinking this year and told her I fully supported that idea.

Things are improving at work and with clients. At work I had my yearly review and my boss had lots of positive things to say. The agency keeps talking budget cuts and I get nervous since I haven’t been successful in getting a grant since I’ve been there. I also haven’t applied for a lot of funding which is another things my boss and I talked about. I would like to you know…do my job. She reminded me that I have to be pushy about getting staff to listen to me. I am pushy and they do listen but they don’t act. People say “ya sounds like a good RFP” and then nothing. I’m kind of caught since my boss pointed out that if I want to move up, I need grants to pay for my promotion and I need stuff to do to validate making a new position.
In volunteer-land, I have one client that has stuck around. Client 2 disappeared, client 3 is a maybe. The client that did stick around is really interesting and motivated. I feel like I have a good connection with her and she is older than me which makes me feel better about the other client saying I was too young. The maybe client is the one that said I’m too young, so at least she hasn’t bailed completely!

I’m looking for Halloweeny things to do. It looks like I won’t be getting a bike in time for the Critical Mass ride. I’m still looking on CraigsList because I do want one but the cheap bikes go really fast.

Oh, and I went to The Whistler, a new bar in Logan Square. It’s small but I like it. They have a stage for live acts and a DJ table. They do the whole ‘craft cocktail’ thing that’s getting so popular in this area. It pretty much means fancy mixed drinks with rare ingredients that take more skill than sloshing bottles to assemble. One of their drinks comes with a candied hibiscus which is delicious. It’s very much the indie cool kid scene but not Wicker Park hipsters. Think cardigans and a slightly older crowd that still drinks PBR. I wore argyle and felt OK there.

I got blood draw this morning to make sure I don’t have a bunch of painful diseases. 5 tubes! I’m not sure if I have any blood left. I got lucky with a skilled phlebotomist that didn’t have to go poking around. I can tell if they are good by their stick and aftercare. You do not bend your arm up after a blood draw! I don’t know how many years I was told to do that and would end up with massive bruising. Keep your arm straight and apply pressure. So I thought I would get lucky when I peeked under my bandaid and didn’t see a bruise. I pulled the bandaid off and it really pulled the inner elbow skin up when coming off. So now I have a tiny mark near the needle hole and a big bruise where the bandaid was. I can’t win.

I felt very knowledgeable at work today. I emailed the NIH contacts on the research program announcement my agency might submit an application for. The CEO wants to use this as a chance to revive an old HIV prevention program. I’m not so sure HIV prevention is what NIH is looking for with this program. Being sponsored by two different centers having to do with alcohol abuse kind of leads me to believe they want it to be a “Drinking is bad, kids!” program. Rather than be snotty about it, I took the learnin I gained at the research conference I attended and emailed the contacts listed to ask them. I hope I am right so I can go all RTFM on the CEO.

And now it is time for baking!

I love hearing the CEO of my agency talk to outsiders about the agency. It’s like listening to a preacher tell you the glories of the social work. Just like some preachers in current news, sometimes he slips up and says something truly WTF. He was telling a group of European counselors about the agency and he said “West Siiiide!” You know what I mean. Like he suddenly slipped from preacher mode to gangsta mode. Actually, he said it more than once. On purpose. I’m sure these counselors had no idea why he was talking like that, why the West Side is the best side or why these silly Americans are ethnocentric to think that a group of professional older Europeans would have any knowledge of West Siiide life.

Other fun things: we have a transgender client and I have been called upon to educate the management team. I volunteered myself for this task because I couldn’t handle the pronoun switching and the upset over which bathroom she would use. I guess it is pretty naive just to think that since we are an urban, non-faith based social service agency, that we would be able to handle a trans client. I have a lot of work to do. Every time someone uses the wrong pronoun or switches pronouns, I cringe and I am on the verge of developing a facial tic.